Do you think that you are unlikeable?
Many people think that they are unlikeable because they struggle to make real connections and genuine friends. Children, teenagers and even adults find themselves wondering, “What is wrong with me?” as they look around and see that everybody else seems to be able to make meaningful friendships. While for children and teenagers this feeling is more extreme, adults also often wonder why they have acquaintances but no real friends. These thoughts and feelings can lead to the belief that one is not good enough or does not deserve to have friends. If this sounds relatable, you may be engaging in one (or more) of three habits.
There are 3 things that have the power to make you unlikeable.
1. Projection
Projection is defined as a defense mechanism that the ego uses to defend itself against unconscious impulses by denying their existence in themselves and attributing them to others instead. In other words, it is the projection of your own unwanted emotions or traits onto somebody else. For instance, a liar might suspect that their partner is lying. When you attribute your own negative traits onto someone, you begin to judge them subconsciously. You do not realize that you do so and that they do not actually possess the negative traits you have attributed to them. Alternatively, you might also behave negatively towards people who remind you of negative experiences or of people who have betrayed you in the past. The important thing to note is that in both scenarios, your behavior is not motivated by reality but rather by your subconscious thoughts.
2. Self-doubt
Does the idea of meeting new people make you feel nervous, shy, and anxious? More importantly, do these feelings prevent you from taking the opportunities to make new friends? Barbara Lavi notes that ‘self-doubt can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.’ In other words, if you assume or truly believe that you will make a bad impression, you avoid taking risks to meet new people. In addition to this, it is worth noting that your shyness can also be misinterpreted for snobbishness and arrogance as people do not know how you feel internally. For this reason, it is important to work on conquering your self-doubt and lack of confidence. In doing so, you will become more comfortable around people and this will inevitably make it easier for you to make friends.
3. You monopolize conversations
When people feel anxious in social situations they tend to do one of two things: they either stay silent and their mind blanks or they begin to talk incessantly. If you find yourself hogging the conversation, try to stop and let the other person speak. Learn to listen and ask people questions about them. At the end of the day, most people just want to talk about themselves; therefore, if you show an interest in them and you become an active listener, they are bound to enjoy talking to you.
Should you consider seeking help?
Many people decide to seek help when they find that they are incapable of conquering their social anxiety, self-doubt, or low confidence on their own. A therapist or mental health professional will be able to help you find ways to manage your self-destructive thoughts and your anxiety. Consider seeking help if you cannot seem to overcome your self-sabotaging tendencies.
