The 5 Main Differences In The Way Men and Women Experience Falling In Love (backed by science)
Love is hard to define and describe.
And it can be even more difficult to tell how exactly men and women fall in love.
Especially when it comes to the initial stages of dating, when things are like a hurricane of emotions, romance, and fantastic sex, men and women have very different experiences. Why?
According to the psychologist, Dr. Danielle Forshee, men and women feel and express their emotions when fascinated by someone from the opposite sex differently.
She explains that:
“Evidence suggests that men and women differ in their expressions of emotions and their descriptions of related thoughts. But, eventually gender is just a construct, and not everyone will share experiences based on gendered expectations. When it comes to love, there are no strict rules, but based on scientific research there are some interesting trends to consider. Here’s what different research could tell, about women, men, and love.”
Below are outlined 5 main differences in the way men and women experience falling in love and the way they show their feelings of affection in a relationship:
1. Men fall in love faster whereas women might need more time
Although cinema and popular culture made us believe that women are the ones falling first, there are indeed no rules about that. Based on a recent study Jonathan Bennett and David Bennett, dating experts, and founders of Double Trust Dating, explain:
“According to this new research men would fall in love, and express feelings of love, faster than women, despite the common notion that women fall more quickly. “
That makes sense mostly because women should be more reserved about falling for a man for evolutionary reasons, whereas men may have less to lose since they tend to have more partners again due to evolutionary reasons. Here is how Jonathan Bennett and David Bennett explain this phenomenon:
“A woman tends to assess feelings of love based on physical attraction along with other factors (including a potential partner’s personality), which means it may take longer for a woman to ‘warm up’ to a potential partner, and the person can grow on her over time.”
2. Men are more visual while women might rely on reason.
Yes, it’s true, women are emotive but at the same time tend to intellectualize their relationships. Women can start to love someone they were not initially excited about. If they get to know the person. While this is not the case with men. According to psychologist Nikki Martinez:
“Men need the initial attraction to be open to getting to know the person who they will ultimately fall for. Also, since women are very cerebral about things, they are thoughtful about the idea of love, where men can be fast and all in once they have those feelings.”
This might have to do with biology since men tend to be more visual. And there is a proof of that. Medicis Aesthetics, asked 1,000 men and women different relationship questions — from marriage and divorce to physical temptation. What the experts found was that for men their partner’s looks were much more important and a significant symbol of attraction.
“Men are initially attracted to women based on a physical connection and then grow to love the person,” Nikki Martinez says. “They do not think someone is nice and then have the attraction grow.”
Of course, it is possible that when a man gets to know you, they could find you more attractive too. But what could always catch their attention is what a woman look like.
3. Men are more impulsive, and women are more analytical.
Men are more impulsive, and women are a little more analytical about everything when it comes to love and relationship. Women will often think through the relationship’s durability more thoroughly than men.
“By nature, men can act more impulsively when they feel something, where women need to be more certain and cautious,” Martinez says. “Men are okay with jumping in and trying a new relationship when they feel the right connection instead of being cautious and waiting until they know for sure as a woman might do.”
Studies also confirm that theory. Caleb Backe, a health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics, expresses his opinion based on a study:
“A study by Harrison and Shortall (2011) found that men tend to fall in love faster than women. Women, on the other hand, enter relationships more cautiously.”
Of course, that is not a rule, but a conclusion which was drawn by the research and is probably an evolutionary result.
4. Men are more focused on passion and women on feelings.
Another research “showed that adolescent males attracted to women fall in love more quickly, and do so more often, i.e., falling for a variety of girls, whereas girls attracted to men tend more to fixate on a smaller number of guys,” Jonathan and David Bennett said.
However, we should remember that is a conclusion drawn by research. And it is not valid for all women in the world. It all comes down to the individual.
What is more, according to the licensed marriage and family therapist, Esther Boykin men’s perspective on love often concentrates mainly on the passionate aspects of the relationship and not that much on the emotional stability which doesn’t mean that necessarily a man’s feelings are less intense or significant. Below is her opinion:
“It might be easy to dismiss this as men being lustful but love is a multi-faceted thing and being drawn to the passion of it doesn’t make men’s loveless meaningful or true.”
5. Men say “I love you” first and women say it more often.
Men are likely to say the three (very big) words first. Esther Boykin explains why:
“This difference in willingness to be open and expressive about love with a partner may happen for a variety of reasons, including men’s likelihood to assess their partner’s sexual interest as also indicating an emotional connection,” Boykin explains. “Men see their partner’s sexual desire as indicative of both a physical and emotional attraction that makes their proclamation of love a little less risky from an emotional standpoint.”
However, once a couple is already together, it’s the woman who tends to say “I love you,” much more often. And, the phrase might mean a lot more to women than it does to men an overall, research suggests.
According to research, women put the phrase ‘I love you’ in their top 10 romantic acts, while men don’t.
In Dr. Forshee’s opinion, there might be an evolutionary explanation of that. The phrase ‘I love you’ may communicate commitment, and assure the woman the ability to pair up with a male, mainly due to the fact women can reproduce only for a particular period.
Eventually, it’s true that men and women are different in the way they express their feelings of love and affection.
However, the qualities both sexes look for in a partner tend to be the same.
How do you express your feelings when you are in love?
Please, share your experience with us.