5 reasons why we struggle with self-judgment and how to fight it

What do you think of yourself? Do you like the person you are today or do you prefer the one you aspire to become? Is there a tiny voice in your head that tells you you are not good enough?

Unfortunately, most of us struggle with self-judgemental issues.

We are used to comparing ourselves to others, which often makes us feel bad about the things we have accomplished so far. We see their glamorous lives, their flawless skin, their massive houses, and we think to ourselves that we will never get to taste the life we wish for.

Sadly, this way, we are missing out on the present moment. We ignore the friends we have for the ones we think will elevate our lifestyle. We spend little to no time with our families because we are constantly working on becoming the people we think we should be. In the meantime, we fail to appreciate all the things we should be grateful for.

Are you someone who constantly struggles with self-judgment?

Here are 5 reasons why we tend to judge ourselves:

1. You think you need to be flawless to be loved. 

Society, parents, friends, coworkers, social media celebrities – literally everyone around you tells you that if you are not perfect, you are not worthy. From a very young age, you are being told that opposing rules and being different will never be well-accepted. So, when you grow up, you continue believing that if you don’t meet others’ unrealistic expectations, no one will ever love you. This makes you fixated with the idea of reaching out to perfection.

As your obsession grows, anything that puts you at risk of exposing your insecurities and flaws makes you feel beyond miserable. But what if meeting others’ expectations is not the meaning of life? What if you were free to do whatever makes you happy, regardless of what those around you have to say? What if you could accept who you are and allow others to get to know the real you?

When you learn to love yourself, you will attract people who will appreciate you for who you are. You will no longer have to go above and beyond to try to be perfect. You will just be yourself, and it will be enough.

2. You let society tell you what to do.

We live in an era where we are all slaves to societal stigmas more or less. This often means that we base our self-perception on what we are told is right. If you find this relatable, then you are someone who struggles to fit in. You find it difficult to live up to everyone else’s expectations. And how could you since they change with the speed of light?

But if following others’ lead makes you feel lonelier than ever, you should know that society is not always right. Sometimes the majority of people are exactly the opposite of right. While it is indeed incredibly challenging to question the beliefs of many, it may turn out to be the one thing that will set your soul free.

3. You are still blaming yourself for past mistakes

Holding on to the past and not letting your future happen to you is often self-destructive. We are all finding it difficult to let yesterday go, but some people stick to it and never get to appreciate the present moment. If you are one of them, then you are probably still beating yourself up for wrongdoings you have already paid for long ago.

Only because you failed once doesn’t mean that you will mess things up again. However, if you build your whole mentality around constantly punishing yourself over past wrongdoings, you will see yourself as a failure whatever you do. But if you accept your mistakes and learn from them instead, you will realize that they don’t define who you are.

4. You stick to the idea of who you think you should be instead of who you truly are.

Sometimes you get caught up in the idea of who you strive to be, what you want to achieve, and what society pushes you into becoming. Meanwhile, you lose touch with your true self. The road to success is always a tricky one, and you can’t always remain resilient enough to handle it.

Many of us believe they need to be exceptional or incredibly talented to be noticed and appreciated by others. So we often go to extremes to prove ourselves we are special. Sadly, in most cases, we bite way more than we can chew, and instead of special, we feel more insignificant than ever.

But, you know what? Happiness usually has nothing to do with success. You may be the most accomplished human being on Earth, but you can still be miserable on the inside. So, rather than rushing yourself to become someone you might not even like in the end, take care of the person you are today. Your future self will be forever grateful if you take that step now.

5. You keep telling yourself you are not good enough

You still feel as if you are not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, skilled enough to be accepted by others. And as you keep occupying your mind with these negative thoughts, you struggle with accepting yourself, which is far worse. Oftentimes this originates you comparing yourself to others.

In your mind, if you don’t achieve what other people do, and if you can’t afford the life they have, you are not putting in enough effort. Meanwhile, you are doing the best you can. So you eventually start to believe that you are never going to be worthy of the life you think you want.

But if you take a step back and give yourself time to appreciate everything you have accomplished and everyone that cares for you, you might see that the life you have now is not as bad as you think it is. You will always be good enough for the people who love you. And if you learn to love yourself, you will never allow the toxic things you are now telling yourself to stand in your way.

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