Why Am I So Unhappy? 30 Things That Secretly Make You Unhappy

Do you ever wonder why you feel unhappy even when everything seems right in your life?

If so, these may be the reasons why. 

Sometimes, even when everything seems to be going right, something still feels wrong. You have a job, you have friends, you have a partner and yet, you feel unfulfilled and deflated. Sarah Hansen has compiled a lengthy list of reasons why you may be feeling this way.

1. You overthink and worry

Worry is a slow poison and a silent killer. It can not only be the reason behind your unhappiness, but it can also result in serious damage to your health: both mental and physical. More often than not, the things we worry about and spend sleepless nights overthinking, never even happen. Do yourself a favor by finding ways to worry less: there are thousands of self-help books written on this subject for precisely this reason.

2. You are overly controlling

As much as we want to have control over every little aspect of our lives, this is just not possible. The sooner you realize that no matter how hard you try, things will not always go the way you want them, the better you will feel. Accept that there are things that are and will be out of your control. This will lift a huge weight off your shoulders – a weight you didn’t even know was there.

3. You hold grudges

It is likely that the person against whom you hold a grudge has no idea, sense of guilt or sadness. In other words, you are only poisoning yourself and hurting your own happiness. Let go, it is not worth it. 

4. You compare yourself to people 

Comparison can leave you feeling deeply unhappy. It is something that a lot of us do without even realizing it: you compare your grades, your looks, your love lives and everything else. This comparison is not only self-destructive but also completely useless. Focus on yourself.

5. You are happy only when your dreams come true

If this is what you are doing, then you are not letting yourself be happy because this means that you are placing conditions on your happiness. In reality, happiness is not an external force but one that should be found within. You can be truly happy even when the things around you are not yet exactly what you want them to be.

6. You are pessimistic

Viewing the world through a negative lens means that you will never be able to appreciate the good. Living life with a “glass half-empty” perspective will only make you more unhappy. Try to see the silver lining and the bright side of everything life hands you.

7. You are materialistic

If your happiness is based on material things, you will never be happy. Happiness should be found in the little things – they are the ones that truly matter and make a difference.

8. Your priorities are not set straight 

Find out what matters most to you. Is it your career? Your relationship? Your children? Your health? Whatever it may be, you may actually be disregarding it. That is, you might not be making sufficient time for it and this might be causing your unhappiness.

9. You surround yourself with toxic people

You might find yourself thinking that you have nothing to complain about since you have a loving partner and a big group of friends. While this may be true, you might need to step back and ask yourself if these people are doing more harm than good. A lot of the time, we do not realize that our unhappiness is fueled by external, toxic energy.

10. You are stuck in the past

There is no point in looking back and reliving the past. In the present, you will find the place and time to change your life. Focus on what lies in front of you and work towards your happiness. The past will never change, no matter how much thought and time you give it.

11. Alternatively, you focus on the future

This point is similar to the previous one as it once again suggests that your unhappiness can be due to the fact that you are not living in the moment. In the same way that you cannot change the past, you cannot know what the future holds. Live your life in the present, live it fully, and hope for the best.

12. You are unhealthy

Being unhealthy can impact your mental health more than you may realize. Getting enough sleep, eating right, staying hydrated and exercising from time-to-time can make a huge difference. Try and see for yourself!

13. You are a perfectionist 

Expecting perfection from yourself and those around you is unrealistic and destructive. Everybody fails and everybody makes mistakes sometimes. Learn not to be hard on yourself, learn to be kind and love yourself – even when you make mistakes.

14. You are afraid of failure

Being afraid of failure means that you often tend to avoid things that might make you happy. In other words, you could unintentionally be hindering your own happiness. Be brave and know that even if you fail, it is not the end of the world but rather, an experience and a lesson.

15. You are insecure

Feelings of insecurity can result in deep unhappiness. What is more, they can cause issues in your relationships and thus, lead to even deeper issues. Figure out what you need to work on to feel confident and secure in the person that you are and you will find happiness within.

16. You seek validation

Seeking validation from others will not make you happy as you are essentially placing your happiness in the hands of others. You must learn to be content and happy with who you are and what you do, without seeking the approval of others.

17. You neglect personal relationships

People need deep and meaningful connections in order to be happy; if you are neglecting your relationships – whether platonic, familial or romantic – this might be the reason behind your mysterious unhappiness. Make time for meaningful connections.

18. You are bored

Boredom can make you feel as though you lack a sense of purpose. Lacking a sense of purpose can in turn lead to serious mental and emotional issues as you find yourself living a life without fulfillment.

19. You have unrealized dreams

Unrealized dreams can leave you living a life of What ifs. This means that rather than living in the present and making most of the moment that is right there in front of you, you are stuck wondering what could have been. Either let go of those dreams or begin working on their realization.

20. You do not spend enough time alone

Spending time on your own is more important than a lot of people realize. This means doing something for yourself by yourself – even if it is just going for a walk in the park! Being on your own gives you the time and space to be honest with yourself about what you want and need in life.

21. You are dependent 

Being dependent can leave a person feeling unhappy as they find themselves thinking that they are not self-sufficient and independent. Finding a job, living on your own and doing things for yourself will make you feel fulfilled and confident; this in turn, will increase your happiness.

22. You have no spiritual life 

For some, unhappiness can stem from their lack of spiritual life. While not everybody feels this way, some people find that a spiritual life makes them feel more whole and thereby, more content with life.

23. You have no real friends

If you find that even though you have a big group of friends, there is nobody you can rely on, this might mean  that you do not have any real friends. Work on strengthening existing relationships or build new ones with people who you will be proud to call friends.

24. You hate your job 

Hating your job, your workplace or your colleagues can leave you feeling miserable. It is important that you find satisfaction and fulfillment in what you do on a regular basis; if it makes you unhappy, maybe it is time to let go and find what makes you happy.

25. You are impatient

Patience is a virtue and a skill which only a few have mastered. Sometimes, we have no other option but to wait. From waiting in queues to waiting for a call back after a job interview, we need to have patience. Being stressed and worried instead of calmly waiting for time to go by will drain you and leave you unhappy. Work on being patient in order to be happier.

26. You believe Comfort = Happiness

Being comfortable does not ensure that you will be happy. In fact, it is possible that your comfort can be causing your unhappiness. The reason behind this is that more often than not, people feel their happiest when they are overcoming challenges and achieving new things. Get out of your comfort zone to find your happiness.

27. You do not learn from your mistakes

Repeating the same mistakes over and over again can be extremely painful. Sometimes, we do not even realize that we are doing so. It is important that you learn from the things that cause you pain in order to ensure that you do not experience it again.

28. You are too concerned with the opinions of others

By trying to please those around you instead of focusing on what makes you happy, you are getting in the way of your happiness. Remember that your life is yours to live, however you wish to and with whoever you want to. Other people’s opinions should not matter because at the end of the day, it is you who is living this life – carve it out the way you want to live it.

29. You do not relax

Overworking yourself will leave you feeling drained, tired and unhappy. Whether it is making sure you get eight-hours worth of sleep or going on a week-long vacation, you need to unwind and recharge your batteries in order to feel happier.

30. Or maybe, you just do not have a dog

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