Every girl has her own vision of the perfect man that she wants to be with and the ‘narcissistic guy ’ is rarely the preferred choice. The same is valid for men and their vision of the perfect girl whose preferred qualities rarely include narcissism.
Below are 10 ways to spot the narcissistic guy on the first date, but those could very well be applied to women as well.
Remember that narcissism knows no gender.
Contemporary scientists link the main symptoms of narcissism, such as grandiose sense of self-importance to the excessive use of social media as a medium where those symptoms present themselves. The causes, however, remain unknown, most likely they are rooted in negative childhood experiences.
There are also normal degrees of narcissism described as self-love and confidence based on achievement and the ability to overcome hardship.
When those become excessive, narcissism becomes a problem.
Just because a guy seems good on the first date does not always mean that he actually is.
He places the order for you and makes you feel special, and treats you with care.
He greets you at the door when you arrive at the restaurant.
He is attractive, exhibiting all the physical characteristic of a man who has the right chemistry for you. He sits on your side of the table and touches you gently if you want it, or not touch you at all if you don’t want to display publicly your affection – he has the ability to sense your preferences and accommodate his behavior according to them.
He is charming like no other.
It sounds like the perfect man, right? And that is exactly what makes him so dangerous.
So what is the way to tell if you are dating a healthy narcissist or one who would probably hurt you?
Here are ten warning signs to beware:
1. Monologue, not a conversation
Narcissists turn the attention to themselves during any conversation, regardless of the topic you are discussing. He will take any opportunity to make the conversation about himself. He may be charismatic and funny on the first date, but the lack of curiosity about who you are may hurt you and is not something to be disregarded.
2. No real interest in you
At the end of night it is worthy for you to ask yourself if there is anything new he found out about you, has he asked you any meaningful questions, have you told him any stories about your childhood or your plans about upcoming trips, have you discussed a meaningful topic, or did he only obsess over his own interests? If you felt neglected, do not dismiss that.
3. Impatient and entitled
Another way to spot a narcissist is by the way he behaves in regard to the service he receives at the place you are at. If your table is not ready when you arrive or the waiter is inattentive, the narcissist will get impatient, tip poorly or make a complaint. Those are all signs to beware.
4. Preferential seating
The positioning of the table in the restaurant will be something that the narcissist will pay special attention to. Narcissists see themselves as special and that will reflect in the choice of positioning in the restaurant – they would want a table at an important spot, certainly not near the kitchen, and for sure somewhere where they can receive admiration and acknowledgement, a special treatment for their special character.
5. All about you, baby
When a narcissist senses that you have something that he can use to satisfy a need of his, he will make it seem like he is doing everything for you. He will provide you with attention – order in the restaurant, and even watch out for you when you cross the street. This extra detailed attention, however, is motivated by their need to exhibit control and maybe the need for sex as a reward of his affection that he is expecting as a result.
6. Full attention
A narcissist will always demand your full attention. So when you get distracted by something or someone else, spend time on your phone or talk about your day, that won’t escape their attention and they will tease you or get sarcastic. Watch out for such behavioral patterns.
7. Strong social skills
However charming and sociable your narcissistic date may seem, even if they engage others in conversation, you can soon notice that they are just attracting audience for their own stories. This reaching out to others is again about him.
8. Strong critique
A narcissistic guy will find fault in anything, he will complain about his life, job, situations he has found himself in, he will moan about every inconvenience. It is not unheard of a narcissist to go through a red light because he is tired of the governmental control.
9. Gratitude
He will make you feel like the gratitude that you give him is never enough. He will make sure you know how expensive the dinner was, or the trouble he went through to book a table, he will emphasize on the fact that he has done it just for you. How does all that in order for him to feel appreciated.
10. Catastrophic chemistry
Good girls are often attracted to bad boys. But the charm of the man and the strong sexual chemistry is something to beware of if it becomes too strong. An attraction that is too strong may be a sign of potential catastrophic outcome.
It is important to consider those signs and tread lightly if you notice them. It is also important to talk to a friend or a family member about it in order to read the signs correctly and have a better chance to find out the truth about the guy. But most importantly, take the time to know the man before you give up, but also before you get too involved.
Author: Dilyana Hristova
