The best defense against letting narcissists into your life is being able to spot them the first day that you meet.
Once a narcissist has latched on, it can be difficult, scary, and even dangerous to shake them off.
When it comes to the first date, what are some telltale signs of a narcissist?
Here are 7 to keep an eye out for.
1. The conversations seem rehearsed.
It’s pretty normal for someone planning to go on a first date to spend a little time thinking about what questions they might want to ask or what subjects they might want to talk about. But for the common narcissist, there’s often a lot more planning that goes into it. The goal of a narcissist is to get you hooked from day one. They do this by carefully laying out conversational traps for you. It’s not uncommon to hear some first date conversational cliches, but if the conversation feels rehearsed, don’t ignore your gut instincts.
2. They don’t seem interested in you.
Narcissism can be anything from annoying to downright dangerous. Many narcissists simply love and adore themselves above all else. When you have a date with someone like this, you may find that they don’t seem at all interested in you and instead want to talk about themselves exclusively. This is probably not the type of person you want to give a second date.
3. They seem way too interested in you.
There’s not being interested in you at all, but it’s also possible to be far too interested in you. Questions on the first date should scratch the surface. “What do you do for work?” “Where do you like to go dancing?” “What’s your favorite hobby?” If the questions start getting too penetrating, like talking about how much money you make or other assets in your life, they may be prodding you to see what they might be able to get out of you. Deep conversations on the first date are great, but be careful with questions that are a little too pointed.
4. They’re rude or impatient to waitstaff.
One core principle of a narcissist is the belief that they are better than everyone else and that others are beneath them. Staff at restaurants and bars often bear the brunt of this sentiment. Watch carefully how your date speaks to and behaves around the staff at your first date location. If they’re rude or aggressive to the establishment’s employees, you could have a narcissist on your hands.
5. They seem a bit “extra.”
This judgement in particular is one you should be careful of. Someone who’s nervous about the first date may pump themselves up some, be a little more outgoing than usual. But one thing a narcissist does is engage in a friendly, but aggressive sort of way with the people around them. The ultimate goal is to make everyone, no matter where they are, love them. If your date is engaging with other people a little too enthusiastically, you may be on a date with a narcissist.
6. They find fault in everything.
Narcissists tend to view themselves as perfection in human form. They can never be wrong and nothing is ever good enough. If your date seems to find fault in anything, and especially if these hyper-criticism comes along with point #4, it’s likely you’ve agreed to a date with a narcissist.
7. You get a bad gut feeling.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter who you’ve gone on a date with. If you have a bad feeling, if your gut is telling you to walk away, don’t ignore it. It can be easier for your intuition to spot a red flag than your actively thinking consciousness. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to walk away.
It is not always a simple task identifying a narcissist on day one.
It’s important you don’t beat yourself up if you make the choice to give a possible narcissist a second chance. But definitely know the signs and keep your guard up!
