A Letter To The Girl Who Thought She Lost Herself To A Toxic Man

This is for every girl who lost herself to a toxic man:

I’m here to tell you that I too have been in your shoes. I too have had sleepless nights wondering whether or not I was ever going to be the same.

Relationships are supposed to enrich your life, not break it down into thousands of pieces.

The thing about most toxic relationships is that at first, its everything you ever wanted.

When I met my ex I was completely smitten. We had a connection I had never felt before, he was everything I wanted in a relationship and more. Things were beautiful, at first… but then things got dark.

I moved in with him within the first 6 months of our relationship and almost immediately our relationship changed. At first, our relationship was amazing, he would spoil me and make me feel like the most special woman in the world. He never wanted to me work a 9-5 so most days I stayed home. When things were good, they were really good, and when things were bad, they were terrible!

I gave my heart to a manipulator.

I never noticed at first because he would woo me with sweet promises and buy me gifts to make up for his emotional outbursts. Half the time he blamed me for his emotional breakdowns and within his sick blame game routine I began to believe him. I began to think I was the cause of his bipolar episodes, and when I wanted to leave in order to get some space, he’d manipulate me into believing that he couldn’t be without me and that’s why I stayed, only to my dismay.

I stayed with someone who ripped my self-confidence from me.

Like I said, when things were good they were good and when they were bad, they were bad! He was a jealous person! He hated the fact that my friends paid me more attention than they paid him. He hated when my male friends spoke to me, even in social situations. He used to get so angry at the fact that when we’re out and about I was hard to control, so instead of letting me enjoy myself he would send me text messages slating me for talking to guys or going to the bar with my friends and not dragging him along.

In his rages, he would call me all sorts of names and if and when I stood up for myself he would make me feel as though I was nothing without him because he provides a home and life for me.

The thing is, I was dating a narcissistic man who believed I owed him for ‘love’ he was giving me.

I see now that I was naive and desperate for love and attention, no matter how it was given. I allowed him to break me down, manipulate and emotionally abuse me cause I was told: “This is what happens in relationships, people fight.”

I can honestly say that that statement is the biggest load of bull crap and i was a fool to believe it. Love isn’t easy, there will be arguments but love is not supposed to be destructive. It is, when pure, supposed to make you grow and enrich your life.

I dated someone I never truly knew.

I realize now is that I never truly knew him, and he never truly knew me. It was only after years of emotional and mental abuse did I actually realize how much damage he had caused within me. I could say that I maybe never knew myself back then either because if I did I would have put my foot down and left that toxic space long ago!

However, one thing being with him taught me was how far gone one can go in love, how easy it is to lose yourself, your beliefs and boundaries. I’d go as far as saying that his love (when it was good) was addictive.

I finally let him go, so that both him and I could grow.

When I finally left him it was as though all the walls I had built around myself and my heart began crumbling away because I started to remember who I was before him. I’d never be able to go back to that person but at least I hadn’t forgotten her. She was now, a new and improved version of her old self,  equipped with all the lessons learned from her toxic experience.

We must remember that we have the power to change our reality and that it’s up to us to do so. Learn from situations that made you feel powerless because its in hindsight that we can get back our power.

Letting go isn’t easy, but freedom from mental and emotional abuse is worth it!

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