My friend Anna complained to me that she was seeing someone who hadn’t always been kind to her and that the relationship caused her much more stress and pain than happiness.
Here is her story:
“He makes me extremely anxious,” she confessed, making a sad grimace on her face ”He is constantly criticizing me, and on the top of that, he seems emotionally stuck in high-school. Sometimes he tries to belittle me when he’s stressed, and I’m so obsessed with him that I hold entire conversations with him in my head. I don’t know how long I would be able to stand this. ”
Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as friends, family or romantic partners.
And Anne is one of the many who tries to maintain a healthy life while being in a relationship that is poisoning and exhausting for her. The sad truth is that any toxic relationship can ruin your normal life. It is a fact that our well-being starts failing if we have to maintain a toxic, stressful relationship or live in such an atmosphere. Marriages, family members, friendships, co-workers, and bosses can all be toxic to our overall health.
The Whitehall II study also supports this theory.
Researches who conducted the study examined more than 10,000 people in 12 years. They proved there is undoubtedly a connection between toxic relationships, anxiety and one’s overall health condition. The participants who were in relationships that made them feel sad or unhappy were at higher risk of developing heart diseases, including heart attacks and strokes than the ones whose close partnership was filled with positive emotions.
If you, too, have struggled with a toxic relationship or you have a friend going through this, I hope these 4 big problems outlined below would warn it’s high time you took measures against the toxic individual in your life.
1. You can’t deny they are constantly hurting you.
First and foremost you need to accept the situation the way it is. There is no point in judging and criticizing the other because this could make you feel tense and lonely. After that, you should be prepared to go through a period of disappointment that you are not able to get along with them. During this time you can deny their existence or pretend that they aren’t hurting you. You can block their texts and emails, and avoid every occasion to meet them. But these are all ways of resistance, and they won’t help handle the problem. It’s the other way round; such actions only make the other person more embedded in your mind.
So to deal with a toxic partner and relationship you should admit that your relationship with them is complicated. This way you would give yourself the opportunity to take real measures about the difficulties you are having with your partner. Most importantly, accepting the reality of a problematic relationship allows us to soften. This softening could open the door to your compassion for the other person. And provide you with the wisdom you need to deal with the problems.
2. Should you notice any abuse, remember that the situation has already become incredibly dangerous.
“If you or your friend are being abused, you may fear for the safety. You may be in a deep state of denial, you may have been threatened directly by your partner to keep the abuse a secret, or maybe scared and humiliated about what is happening,” Dr. Klapow a clinical psychologist and host of “The Kurre and Klapow Show,” says.
She advises us to proceed with extreme caution.
“If you come right out and just accuse the significant other of abuse, initially you are likely to get defensiveness, push back, and even dismissal,” adds Dr. Klapow. “It is important to express your general concern about the relationship. Then it is important to commit to being a safe and confidential place for communication.”
The doctor explains that you or your friend may not be ready to accept that there is such a severe problem. So you or your friend might need someone to go to and talk about it.
“You can turn to local shelters or abuse protection organizations.”
The goal is to declare the seriousness of the problem very clearly and try taking real steps towards working things out.
3. Things are not improving on their own.
If you have reached such a point in your relationship, then you should stop living in delusions that it is healthy and happy one. That will not make the relationship less toxic. It could only make your or your friend’s mental condition worse. So, admit that you are dealing with a toxic person. And tell this person how you feel. Try something like this:
“When we are together, I feel tense and nervous, and I can’t rest or behave normally. We need to do something about it because this has been the case for a long time.”
It takes courage to tell the truth because often it makes people angry. But your partner will probably be mad at you anyway, no matter what you do. This is part of their toxic personality. So, although they almost certainly won’t like hearing the truth, you need to tell it to them to free yourself from this burden which is weighing you down.
4. You feel traumatized by your toxic partner’s behavior.
Inform your partner or friend about the way you feel so that they are aware of it. Then talk to a professional, such as a guidance counselor or a psychologist. Sexy Intelligence hopes things don’t have to go that far. But if the toxicity in your relationship is taken to an extreme, immediate assistance might be what you need.