How to handle an emotionally unstable partner

When we go into a relationship, we never suspect that our partner may be emotionally unstable.

After you have been seeing someone for a long period of time, you begin to see them for who they really are. This becomes especially clear when you move in and start living together as it is difficult to hide your true colors when you share the same home. For some, this means unfortunately finding out that their partners may be emotionally unstable.

How can you tell if your partner is emotionally unstable?

Everybody has days where things seem to go wrong. It is normal that on such days, they exhibit mood swings and outbursts of anger. However, emotionally unstable people fall in and out of such states at unpredictable times. Some signs of emotional instability include:

  • Having outbursts of anger for no reason
  • Having extreme mood swings
  • Having overdramatic reactions
  • Using gaslighting and other manipulation tactics
  • Having a lack of empathy
  • Being unable to admit they are wrong
  • Feeling entitled
  • Dealing with problems in an irrational manner
  • Scapegoating and blaming others

How can you deal with an emotionally unstable partner?

1. Observe and analyze

Are they truly emotionally unstable or is it possible that you might have done something that could warrant a strong outburst of emotions? It is sometimes difficult to tell who is right and who is wrong. For this reason, take a step back to observe carefully and analyze who is at fault.

2. Confide in friends or family

If you feel confused and unable to tell whether or not your behavior is right or wrong, consult those who are close to you. Explain what happens when you interact with your partner and ask for the opinions and perspectives of your trusted ones. Since those who are not in the relationship will be able to look at things objectively, they might be able to help you figure out what to do.

3. Walk away if/when they attack you

If your partner begins to verbally, emotionally, or mentally abuse you, point it out and refuse to be a part of that conversation. Demand respect, set boundaries, and let them know that you will not tolerate being spoken to that way.

4. Stay calm

Although it will be difficult, try to stay calm and ensure that you do not have an outburst. It will be much more difficult for somebody to shout at you when you are talking in a calm tone. Do your best to remain rational and calm even if they try to provoke you.

5. Suggest therapy

If they acknowledge that they often lose control of their emotions, suggest therapy. It is often difficult for people to learn how to manage their thoughts and feelings on their own. This is especially true for those who are emotionally unstable. A therapist can help them find a way of learning how to handle their emotions in a healthy way that does not harm them or the people around them.

6. End the relationship

This step is a last resort and one that should be taken if your partner refuses to listen or seek help. Nobody deserves to be constantly subjected to torment and abuse. You do not have to tolerate being disrespected and manipulated. If all else fails, you might have to end the relationship no matter how much you love the person.

In any case, being with an emotionally unstable partner requires a lot of effort and the relationship can be extremely difficult. If the relationship becomes too toxic and abusive, you will need to put yourself and your happiness first. At the end of the day, everybody deserves to feel happy, respected, and valued by their partner.

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