“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.” – Leo F. Buscaglia
There are many reasons as to why people enter into relationships just as there are many reasons as to why relationships fail.
Many of us were brought up to believe in the fairy-tale kind of love and that the key ingredient needed for a relationship to last is, love. However, this is not entirely true – relationships are like souffle’s, there are many ingredients and steps one needs to take in order for it not to flop , love is just one, among many of the important ingredients needed.
I have seen many relationships fail, even when the couple loves and cares deeply for one another.
I myself have been in a few relationships that have literally crumbled away before my eyes even though I was convinced we would last forever because our love was so strong. Turns out that love requires more than just love to actually work. I have now learned how to see all my failed relationships as blessings in disguise because now I am able to see what was lacking and where I went wrong and in so, I’m able to apply those findings to all the relationships in my life.
In hindsight we eventually realize that love simply isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. You need things like respect, compromise and trust to name a few, which are all needed in order to make it last. When one finally realizes and integrates this knowledge you are able to enter into a new relationship with a better understanding of what it really takes to make it last.
Relationships are built on trust, freedom, compromise, compassion, empathy and respect and once the foundations are set in place and solid, love will naturally sit on top. The goal is to feel intellectually, emotionally and spiritually sound within a loving relationship.
Here are 12 valuable lessons one realizes when you are in a solid, respectful and loving relationship:
1. If someone truly loves and respects you, they will show you these two things everyday.
There will never be room to question the love or respect factor, it will come naturally and in so you will undoubtedly feel safe and secure in that love.
2. If someone really wants to be with you they will be with you.
They will not allow their insecurities to tear you down, destroy your happiness or your emotional well being.
3. You learn that yes, physical affection is important but, it is not the thing that defines commitment.
Standing together through the tough times and being there for each other through the dark times is what defines commitment.
4. You realize that successful relationships require hard work, everyday, especially on oneself.
Both you and your partner must be willing to work through the shadows, and in the end must be willing to help each other grow.
5. You learn that love is not always what you thought it would be.
However, with equal input from both sides you can make it be what you want it to be.
6. Successful relationships require hard work from both people.
It requires patience, trust, sacrifice, compromise, understanding, compassion and above all respect to make it work in the end.
7. You learn that you cannot change people.
You learn to love them for all that they are including all their insecurities and flaws. There will be things that are bound to irritate you to the core, but if you truly love them, you learn how to accept it all.
8. You learn that being 100% yourself is the only way to truly experience freedom.
If you do something embarrassing in front of your partner they will never make you feel stupid or unworthy. When you’re in a meaningful relationship your partner makes you feel confidant and if you ever feel down they do everything in their power to make you feel better.
9. When your relationship foundations are solid you learn that spending time apart is important.
Time apart doesn’t weaken the relationship, it actually strengthens it. There is no room for doubt because you are both clear on the feelings you have for each other.
10. You learn that arguments are a natural part of relationships.
It is natural and healthy to have arguments, things can’t always be perfect. When you are in a meaningful and mature relationship arguments are resolved in a mature manner and in the end it brings you closer together.
11. You learn that one does not simply leave when the going gets tough.
You honor yourself and the commitment you’ve made with this person and you work through whatever it may be, never giving up on each other.
12. And most importantly, you learn that when you’re finally in a healthy, all encompassing relationship, you find yourself completely satisfied with your choice in partners.
When the relationship foundation is solid and there is mutual respect, you feel fulfilled. There’s no need to go looking for something or someone ‘better’, you are happy and they make you happy.
In the end we all need to take the time to carefully examine what it is we truly want in relationships. Take notes from the ones that fail, learn from them and then apply the lessons to all future relationships.