“A gentleman by gentle deeds is known, for a man by nothing is more bewrayed. As by his manners” – Edmund Spenser
Unfortunately, chivalry seems to be going out of style these days. That’s a pity, as I feel that today we need it more than ever before. Truly, good manners and common courtesy have become a rarity rather than a common standard.
The gentleman is a dying breed.
It has become increasingly difficult to find a man who is patient, considerate, and kind. They are so rare, in fact, that many women tend to mistake a man’s good manners for sexual advances. In the past, good manners and chivalry were the common state of affairs, and those not abiding by the code were promptly ostracized.
I am not saying, however, that gentlemen are completely extinct.
Here are a few valuable tips on how to recognize one of them when you meet him.
1. He is not afraid to tell the truth.
First and foremost, a true gentleman is honest. You can trust him with your life, even when the truth does not sit well with him. His sense of integrity is stronger than his ego. It usually takes a lot of courage to tell the truth in a tense or delicate situation, so we can say that a true gentleman is also quite courageous.
2. He does not eat until everyone has been served.
Having said that, I must add that a true gentleman’s courtesy spans way beyond the dinner table at Thanksgiving. In all his doings, he never acts selfishly or on impulse. He is considerate and always ready to sacrifice his own comfort for the sake of the others’.
3. He stands up for others.
It’s been proven that a man’s morals is what makes him sexy for many ladies. A true gentleman is as kind as he is brave, because chivalry has always been going hand in hand with audacity. When he sees someone being abused – physically or verbally – he will promptly confront the offender. Injustice and wrongdoing are the two things a gentleman can never put up with.
4. He does not brag about his sex life.
He never brags about his sex life when meeting up with friends. In this path of thought, his success with the fair sex probably lends itself to a great extent to his discreetness. He doesn’t need the encouragement of his buddies to perform well in the sheets. He respects himself, and he respects the woman he chooses to be intimate with.
5. He keeps his word.
He does not have to tell you that he is a man of his word. His actions speak for themselves. If a gentleman promises to do something, you can confidently plan your day around it. His genuine reliability will make you feel secure and cozy in his presence.
6. He is a good listener.
Whenever you are speaking to him, he is listening attentively to every word you say. He isn’t spacing out or checking his phone. You can be sure that you have all his attention, and the responses you get from him are 100% to the point.
This is especially important in our age of global social connectedness, when face-to-face communication has become rare and awkward.
7. His kindness and good manners are not reserved just for you.
When you are with him, you’ve probably notice that he is suave and gallant with your female friends, as well as with your mother or sister. You can rest assured that he is 100% loyal to you, but his good manners also define his attitude to your mutual friends and acquaintances. Every true gentleman knows that chivalry is not reserved only for his significant other.
8. He walks by the street when he is walking with you.
He feels more comfortable if walking between you and the road. This is a small gesture that often goes unnoticed. He is being protective, not overbearing.
The origins of this classic gesture of chivalry date back to the Middle Ages, when infrastructure and sanitation were far below the current standards. By keeping your lady under the overhanging second floor balcony, you made sure that if the contents of a chamber pot got thrown out of the window, they would fall on your head, not hers.
Nowadays chamber pots are rarely emptied through the window, but the traffic is far heavier than it used to be. So, the gesture is as valid now, as it was back then.
9. He is on time.
He respects your time. He is mature enough to stick to a schedule. He gets no pleasure out of making you wait around for him. Punctuality is one of the first things young boys should learn from their fathers, if you ask me.
10. He offers up his jacket, his seat, his arm…
He is quick to identify the needs of others and act accordingly. Yet, his gestures are natural and does not take any extra effort. Being a gentleman is his way of life, not occasional or spontaneous behavior
11. He reaches for the check.
He offers to pay. If you insist on splitting it, he listens and respects your wishes. He does not make a big show of insisting to foot the bill.
12. He always holds the door for you.
He is patient and attentive. He has good manners that he puts into practice daily. Today, there are some women who take umbrage at having doors opened for them. They fear that this gesture puts them in inferior position to men – as if they were too weak to open the door themselves.
To them I’d like to say that a woman can be strong and independent while letting the man accompanying her do this small gesture of courtesy and chivalry. This is like a dance that both sexes play a part in.
13. He says “please” and “thank you”.
He excuses himself when he’s made a mistake. His politeness comes naturally and creates a pleasant feeling in those around him.
“Chivalry: It’s the little boy that kisses my hand, the young man who holds the door open for me, and the old man who tips his hat to me. None of it is a reflection of me, but a reflection of them,” wrote Donna Lynn Hope. Do not buy into the myth that chivalry and feminism can not coexist.
Being a gentleman is about living up to one’s own high standards.
If you’ve found a true gentleman in your life, enjoy every moment of your relationship and be his fair lady.