When a woman is in love with a man, she always hopes that the guy beside her would eventually become more caring and understanding, even though she has all reasons to believe he actually wouldn’t.
More often than not, women tend to stay in suffocating relationships even if they feel they should’ve run away long ago. Rather than admitting they’ve made a mistake in their choice of a partner, they tend to fetch all sorts of excuses for him treating them like crap.
Is Love Really Blind?
Why do women in love become so blind about the reality around them, as if they were wearing some optimistic glasses or something? They seem to be firmly convinced that the guy beside them can do no wrong, no matter what the others may say about him.
And if ever they come to notice some warning signs, they are quick to reassure themselves that he will change soon, that all he needs is a little time.
Fortunately, there is a scientific explanation of women’s blindness for their men’s faults and the bad treatment they get from them.
Marriage counsellor Frances Cohen Praver, PhD, explains that when one falls in love, their mirror neurons take over their brain, making it produce copious amounts of dopamine, also known as the happiness hormone, vasopressin, testosterone and oxytocin.
Figuratively speaking, these are some of the hormones out of which the arrows of Cupid are made, as they stimulate attraction, love and lust.
It’s time to pull yourself together
Rather than lending a friendly shoulder to cry on, in this article I’d like to prod you to take control on your own life. Cruel as it may sound, your guy would have showed some respect and affection for you by now, if he really were capable of. But the truth is that he is not.
With this article I want to knock some common sense into your head and make you see what those around you have noticed long ago.
Even if the parts of human brain responsible for objective judgement, suspicion and discrimination do not work so well when we are in love, this does not mean that they are shut down completely.
So, if a man treats you in a way that shows he is not very much into you, maybe it’s time to accept the facts.
If a man really loves you, he shows it from the start
If a man tells you all the time how much he loves you, and yet he’s never beside you when you most need him, you’ve got to trust his deeds, not his words. Everything else is self-delusion in its purest form.
I know how much you want me to tell you that the attitude you get from him is his particular way of showing his love and affection for you, and yet I won’t. How can I tell you that it’s gonna be alright, when both you and I know very well that it’s not?
Even if he’s been hurt in the past, this does not excuse his treating you badly in the present. He could be reserved, maybe a bit apprehensive, and yet he would find a way to clearly show you that he really cared about you.
Are you his first choice?
If you recognize yourself in the above lines and agree with me, then it’s time to ask yourself if you really are his first choice. Are you the one and only for him? The one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
Common sense dictates that if a man starts neglecting the girl beside him in one way or another, his interest in her has weakened. That is, he’s started taking her for granted. He may even have already set his eyes on someone else.
Let’s face it. At this point you’ve got to pull yourself together and walk away with dignity, as there’s little else you can do. It makes no sense to keep chasing him. You can’t convince him in that he’s making a mistake, no matter how hard you may try.
Life’s too short to wait for the wrong man
Women are very emotional by nature and very often they tend to blame themselves for everything that’s going wrong in their relationship with a man. However, I want to tell you that life’s just too short to waste it waiting for the wrong man to change his ways.
If he has not shown enough commitment and affection at the beginning of your relationship, things are likely to get even worse over time. Instead of wasting a year or two of your life on a guy that does not care much about you, you can do a master’s degree, instead, sign up for an acting class, or a foreign language course.
Go and do something something useful with your life, instead of living with his could-haves and would-haves. This guy’s just out of your league and you should stop trying to change him and make him the man you want him to be.
Finally, you can sign up to do some volunteer work in Africa, Southeast Asia, or some other impoverished region of the world. There, you’d be giving your love and affection to people in need, who could fully appreciate your efforts.
Better be single than in a toxic relationship
Darling, I know your mom’s always told you that patience and perseverance are nice things, but this certainly isn’t true if you’re in a toxic relationship. A relationship that’s sapping all your energy and leaves you emotionally devastated deserves neither.
Stop fooling yourself that a difficult relationship is better than no relationship at all. The problem is that if you call it “difficult”, those around you see it as downright toxic. And the longer you stay in it, the heavier the toll it’ll take on you.
In addition, the longer you stay with a guy who doesn’t deserve your love and affection, the smaller your chances to meet one who really does.
Healthy Egoism
Finally, I want to talk about something that I call “healthy egoism”. By healthy egoism I mean that there’s nothing wrong with standing your ground when you are in a relationship.
Instead of always giving priority to his desires and wishes, why don’t you seek some balance?
You should really try to make him stop taking you for granted. As a first step, do not give him all of your personal space. Remember, he’s got to deserve his presence there. Next, you should try to get into your zone of comfort, even if this involves making your guy feel a bit uncomfortable.
It’s maybe because you’ve made your man feel too comfortable around you that he’s started taking you for granted?
Do not be afraid to confront him and tell him it’s high time things between you changed. And if he’s not OK with it, let him go.
