As I’ve said before, being “awake” is a combination of mindfulness, consciousness, and awareness on a very deep and often spiritual level.
As amazing as wakefulness can be on a personal level, it comes with its own special set of struggles, too. I know that my personal journey into wakefulness has cost me friends, strained relationships, and affected other aspects of my life. Specifically, being more awake to myself and other around me has made dating a whole new hill to climb.
As much as I love being in a good, healthy relationship with a like-minded person, I’ve never been a big fan of dating.
On the surface, dating can be a pain in the proverbial ass as it is, but when you take a deeper look the lenses of our lives, dating becomes a weird study in human nature and psychology that is off-putting at best.
If you’re anything like me and have begun to focus on things like emotional intelligence and wakefulness, then you understand these dating struggles all too well:
As anyone who has entered the realm of dating in any capacity knows, it is a simple aspect of human nature to try to impress others in search of validation. In men, I call this “peacocking” or the “$30,000 dollar a year millionaire syndrome”. Whatever the case may be, it doesn’t take a psychological scholar to tell you that if someone is putting up a false front about who they are, there is probably a whole basket of emotional issues there.
Some people’s fronts that they build are more subtle than others, but the problem is the same: if I spot anything fake about you – I assume it’s all fake. Raw, beautiful, straight-up honesty is one of the most attractive things in the world to a wakeful mind, and it is about as easy to find as a needle in a swimming pool of needles these days.
Seeing Straight Through Someone to their Intentions
Actions and intentions aren’t always attached at the hip, but very rarely are they completely unrelated. Just like some women can see that a man is only being a certain way as an effort to get them in bed, men can see that a woman is only acting a certain way as a means for some type of support or validation.
I’m not saying that support or validation isn’t important in a relationship, but when you are first getting to know someone, the last thing someone wants to do is jump in and be your crutch. A wakeful mind wants the same qualities in someone else. Show me who you are without me, and maybe I’ll show you who you can be with me.
Wary, and Aware of It
Weariness is a product of experience. If you are a gazelle and you know that your gazelle buddies only get eaten when they go to the watering hole, you’re probably going to be weary of the watering hole. You’re not going to quit drinking water. You’re just going to be on your guard when you do. Dating is exactly the same way. As you get to know someone and the slightest hint of a red flag pops up, you say to yourself: “hey, the last time I was in this situation – something bad happened.”
Boundaries are not Up for Debate
Experience and weariness come together in the form of personal boundaries. As a wakeful person, you know that your boundaries exist for a reason and that despite what anyone else thinks about them – they are yours and the only person they need to make sense to is you. For most people, boundaries are like lines drawn in the sand.
Sometimes a toe goes across the line. Sometimes a wave (or tequila) wipes them out entirely. When you are awake, and in a better understanding of your emotional state, boundaries are like brick walls. For some people, that’s an instant discouragement. Men especially are discouraged by solid, well-established boundaries. The person that waits for the gates to open instead of trying to throw themselves at the wall is the person worth keeping around.
Very Quick to Walk Away
When you factor in everything else, the wakeful mind can just turn and walk away from someone with the same ease that other people walk away from a sketchy restaurant. I ask myself all the time if this is a real “issue” or not. I mean, the whole purpose of dating is to find a compatible person that you want to share your life with. If you are quick to weed people out, it makes that search that much more intensive. To say that it is “easy to get discouraged” is like saying that the surface temperature of the sun is “warm”.
I guess the proverbial “moral of the story” here is that being awake can be one of the greatest things a person can experience. Opening your eyes to yourself and to the world can free your mind in as many ways as it can trouble it. It is a process and a journey. Finding someone who is on that same path isn’t going to be easy, just like the process of waking up isn’t easy.
But, if it is something that you’ve dedicated yourself to, the ends will always justify the struggles that you had to endure to get there.