All of us want to establish a close and stable connection with our partner in a relationship.
That is valid even for introverts who generally like spending much time alone and would always prefer doing things on their own.
So if you are dating an introvert, you might experience some hardships before you succeed in creating a close bond with them.
These people are usually closed off to the outer world. And although that happens unintentionally, introverted people require much more time to open up and their partner has to put a lot of effort to make them do so.
That is why we have provided a list of 5 simple but powerful tips from experts that could help you make the most of dating an introvert.
1. Chose a familiar place for your first date.
First of all, when you start dating someone, going someplace new is never a good idea. You won’t know your way around, and you might be distracted by trying to get to know the place which won’t allow you to pay enough attention to your date and this could make them feel disappointed.
On the other hand, remember that introverts are not the type of people who would like to go to a super fancy popular bar with a lot of other people visiting at the same time. Choose a coffee shop, unpretentious restaurant, or a small bar you have already been to. That theory is confirmed by Love Life TBD dating and relationships coach Ravid Yosef:
“Some of the ways to feel more comfortable instantly is by making sure you are first comfortable with your surroundings. Pick a location that is familiar to you. That you already like and know. So that you’re setting yourself up for success,” “Get comfortable with sharing yourself. And ask questions that allow for a deeper and more meaningful connection since that’s where you excel.”
2. Make your first date shorter. Also, give the other person enough time for a rest before you meet again.
Meeting you introverted date for a drink or coffee or attending some short event is usually the most appropriate option. For them having less time with you would be better in the beginning as it involves less dread or stress. And, if things go well, that short chunk of time would probably be extended into dinner or a movie night together. Another important thing is to give your date enough time after you’ve been together. Don’t rush them into seeing you again the evening after your first date. According to Psychotherapist and Dating Coach Pella Weisman:
“It’s important for introverts to make sure they have lots of alone time to recharge between dates. Especially if they have socially demanding jobs, introverts need to make sure that they give themselves the alone time. They need to have the energy to be present and engaged on dates.”
3. Pay attention to the things you are talking about.
A big problem could be what to say when you first start speaking or meet up with an introvert. So it is essential to pick up the conversations’ topics wisely. Instead of asking your date what they do for a living, suggest them to tell you something more meaningful and exciting about their life. And never ask questions only to keep to the conversation going. That could make your date feel like it is an interrogation. And could reveal you are not mature enough to maintain a serious conversation. Avoid oversharing on a first date as this can be a bit heavy for the other person. Giving all of the details of your last breakup is oversharing—don’t tell them about it until you have become closer.
“Introverts often like to go deep (with the right person), but don’t excel as much with chit-chat. You may want to give their profile and messages another read before meeting up. So those commonalities are fresh in your mind,” Online Dating Expert at eFlirt Laurie Davis Edwards says. “Push yourself to speak up a little more, but also, use your body language to do the talking for you. If you know you have a quieter attitude on a first date, create chemistry through being slightly more overt with your body language.”
4. Choose some exciting activities for your first date.
Apart from paying attention to what you say and using your body language actively, you could choose a date in which you are actively doing something else. Meeting at a small restaurant is not a bad idea. But you could also visit the zoo or go to the park for a walk; could go to a festival or exhibition, or a concert maybe? Try not be talking that much during the date. The activities you are doing with your partner would give you more to talk about in the future. According to the Sexologist and Relationship Expert Nikki Goldstein:
“Choose dates where you are not face-to-face with the person. Sitting at the dinner table opposite someone you are on a date with can be daunting for anyone especially an introvert. Try and choose activities where you are side-by-side working on something, and there are things to talk about,” “Physical and outdoor activities are good as you might need to discuss what it is you are doing and how you are doing it rather than talking about what you both ate for breakfast.”
5. Make your introverted date knows you feel OK with their personality.
Sometimes introverts feel ashamed that they are like this so they may be able to “fake” an outgoingness for a short period only doing that to make you a good first impression. So, if you keep dating an introvert, you might not be aware of it right away. However, with time, as you talk about your interests and hobbies that aspect of their personality will sooner or later come out. So, to make your date feel OK with it, And to show them that you too are Ok with that, let them know it. Show them it’s perfectly fine to be who they are. To do this, you could reveal that you also feel insecure and vulnerable. Here is what the psychiatrist specializing in women’s issues Susan Edelman thinks about this:
“Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, if you’re shy or nervous about your date, it can work in your favor to admit it,” she says. “Showing a little vulnerability can make you seem more approachable and likable. It also can be reassuring to your date.”
Eventually, we should admit that there is not an easy person when it comes to dating But introverts seem a little bit more difficult than the rest. So, if you have really fallen in love with somebody who has an introverted personality, you should act with a lot of patience and motivation.