It is normal to seek guidance and advice from friends and family — but not always.
There are certain things you should always keep private when it comes to your relationship. Even though you may want to call up a friend and complain about the issues you and your partner are facing, experts say this may destroy your relationship. Tammy Shaklee, a certified matchmaker and LGBTQ relationship expert, spoke to Bustle and explained that always seeking the opinions of others may indicate that your relationship is in trouble.
It may be a sign you’re not ultimately compatible. Life will throw a lot at you, so you better figure out your communication styles, behaviors, needs, and timing, so that you can handle topics large and small together. If you can’t help but poll your parent, sibling, or BFF, you might not be nurturing the real relationship that means the most — the relationship with your partner.
— Tammy Shaklee
There are 6 things you should keep private about your relationship.
1. Financial troubles
Many couples do not know how to discuss financial issues and often split up as a result. They complain to friends and family and avoid having uncomfortable discussions with their partners. Unfortunately, talking to friends and family does not solve anything. In fact, the only person who would be able to help you move past your troubles is your partner. Shaklee commented, “Time spent airing your financial frustrations with outside sources doesn’t help you get ahead, but a mutually transparent prioritization with your partner can.”
2. Your sex life
Unless you and your partner both agree that disclosing information about your intimate life is okay, you should keep this part of your relationship private. It is important that you respect your partner’s boundaries in the same way that you would expect them to respect yours.
3. Your fights
We all run to our friends when we want to complain about the latest argument we had. However, experts say that this may not be good in the long haul. Dr. Catherine Jackson explains that your friends can begin to dislike your partner if the only things you share are negative experiences. “Opinions are hard to change. Be selective about any unfavorable things you share about your partner,” Jackson warns.
4. Their family problems
If your partner has trusted you with private information, do not share it with others. Your partner’s family problems are not your friends’ concerns. Dr. Kathy Nickerson explained, “If your partner would blush or shriek overhearing you share the information with a friend, it should stay private.”
5. Your partner’s insecurities
By sharing your partner’s insecurities, you are disrespecting and betraying them. Kelsey M. Latimer, PhD, CEDS-S explains that you should ask yourself how you would feel if things were reversed. “I would guide anyone to just use the golden rule here,” Latimer suggests. “What are the things that would really upset you if you found out your partner was discussing them with others? That can provide you with the perspective you may need.”
6. Things that annoy you
If your partner finds out that you have been badmouthing them behind their back, they will feel hurt and betrayed. In fact, they might even be in the right to end the relationship. Although it is normal to get irritated by some of the things your partner does, you should not gossip about them. Instead, you should have an open and honest conversation with your partner — not your friends.
Make a note of the above six things if you want to ensure that you and your partner have a healthy, happy, and lasting relationship.