The tyranny of the nice narcissist

Narcissism just seems to be running rampant these days.

A lot of the time it seems that the characteristics of a narcissist are extremely obvious.

Their inherent selfishness, their lack of boundaries, their perception that everyone else is below them are a few traits. It’s really easy to spot an obvious narcissist. It’s the ones who are hiding behind a veneer of something else -something seemingly non-narcissistic- who really pose a challenge.

Here’s where you find the nice narcissists.

The really nice ones. The nicest of the nice-nice narcissists. Upon meeting you they will try to sway you with their niceness, but they exhibit certain signs fairly quickly that can tell you their true nature.

Of course, everyone who does these things, or some of these things, isn’t a narcissist.

If someone is exhibiting these tendencies, and you’ve got a bad feeling in your stomach about it, consider trusting your gut and saving yourself a whole lot of pain and suffering in the long run.

1. Their family is screwed up.

Okay, everyone’s family is a little screwed up. These people though are all up in each other’s business, talking smack about each other, gossiping about each other, you name it. These people are invested in thinking they’re better than everyone else, especially their own family members. And you, new friend, get to hear about all of it.

2. They’re too giving, too quickly.

Almost immediately after they’ve met you they’re doing favors, help, giving treats and tidbits and things, the list goes on as infinitum. When you try to reimburse them they say it’s just friendship when really, it’s their inability to set boundaries.

3. They are too open a book too quickly.

Even the most open of books, in a healthy relationship, retains some information of their own. Sets boundaries with their information. Doesn’t need to spill all of it, immediately, as much as possible. The nice narcissist needs you to know everything, all the time, as quickly as possible.

4. They gossip a lot.

Actually, it’s really the only conversation they have after they’ve told you everything about themselves ever. Are you wondering what they might be saying behind your back?

5. They complain all the time about their other friends…to you…but can’t seem to say “no” to them.

Again, demonstrating issues with setting boundaries.

6. They are extremely competitive, and they’re pretty lousy losers to boot.

Lots of people take competition too seriously, but these folks are next-level. They are not only sore losers, but they remain bitter long after the competition is over.

7. They talk down about people just like you.

Of course, they say that you’re always the exception but why talk down about others in the first place? This is a thinly (very thinly) veiled attempt at making you understand how incredibly superior they are to you.

8. They cannot take criticism, even jokingly.

I mean, if there is a hallmark of narcissistic behavior I think this is it. Narcissists cannot handle criticism in any form. What’s more, they are absolutely thrilled to dish it out. They’re happy to criticize others constantly. Even a little tease towards criticism and they become unhinged.

9. They are or were members or otherwise affiliated with a cult.

Cults are the hive minds of organized narcissism, in their dependence on exceptionalism and uniqueness and specially-chosen people as their foundation. Cult members are almost always narcissists, and those exposed to cults run the risk as well.

10. They are triggered by boundaries…the ones you set up, anyway.

Not available at the drop of a hat? Not into telling them everything you’re doing with your time? Want to retain some privacy? Busy with another -gasp!- friend? You’ve massively disappointed them, completely destroyed their faith in you. You let them down hugely. And if you keep them in your life, you’re going to pay for it.

Do you have anyone in your life exhibiting any of these characteristics? Let’s chat more about it in the comments!

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