Top 5 false myths about Narcissists

All narcissists are evil. All narcissists are self-confident.

Every single narcissist is a master at manipulation and intentionally hurts the ones around them. Wrong! 

There are narcissists who can do good. There are narcissists who are much more insecure than they seem. Some of them are even oblivious to the emotional harm they cause. But the general perception about these individuals portrays them as toxic, manipulative, vicious creatures whose life mission is to abuse and control others. While this may be true for many narcissists, it cannot be said for every single one of them.

Psychology Today writer Elinor Greenberg explains:

“The truth is sadder and simpler. Narcissists are people who lack emotional empathy, cannot see themselves and other people in a realistic, stable, and integrated way (lack of whole object relations), are incredibly self-centered, value achievement and status, and who adapted to their early upbringing by developing a narcissistic personality disorder.”

Here are the top 5 false myths about narcissists you probably still believe: 

1. All narcissists are evil. 

“Narcissists are evil people, and their only goal is to ruin you.” Well, that’s not entirely true. Although many of them do behave in hurtful ways, they are not inherently evil. Indeed, they lack empathy, they are horrible at maintaining intimacy, and they use others to their own advantage. But not everything they do is malicious. For instance, many of them, who try to maintain a reputation of philanthropists so everyone could admire them, donate hundreds of dollars to hospitals, schools, libraries, and other cultural institutions. In a way, they help countless amounts of people. So, the answer is no. Not all narcissists are evil.

2. All narcissists are masters at manipulation.

“Narcissists are master manipulators.” The majority of people with intense narcissistic behavioral patterns are controlling and emotionally draining. They have mastered the wicked art of blame-shifting, and they use it mostly when they fear their true intentions are at risk of being revealed. However, there are tons of narcissists that simply behave like immature children. They want everything right here, right now, and they take advantage of others’ willingness to give it to them. And if you haven’t established firm boundaries, they somehow get inside your head and start messing around with your mind.

3. All narcissists are overly confident. 

“Narcissists are extremely self-assured.” The reality is that narcissists want to be confident. They want to be the self-reliant, successful, admirable person they present themselves to be. But they are not. In fact, they are fearful, ashamed, filled with guilt, emptied of purpose, and mentally unstable. The confidence they emit is nothing but a projection of the personality they want to embody.

4. All narcissists intentionally hurt others. 

“Narcissists’ only purpose in life is to hurt people.” That’s a myth many victims of narcissistic abuse believe. However, the truth is that narcissists are often oblivious to the suffering they cause. They are immune to basic human emotions and they cannot comprehend the actual negative impact of their actions. Therefore, a great deal of the abuse they inflict is collateral damage.

5. All narcissists are charismatic. 

“Narcissists can enchant you with their charms.” Some narcissists do appear incredibly alluring when you first meet them. Contrarily, many people with excessive narcissistic traits are quite annoying. Their charm wears out in the beginning, and then the magic disappears. They tell the same tiresome stories over and over again. They bore you with accomplishments they have never achieved. And they don’t even bother to imitate having any interest in your life, turning every dialog into a monologue.

Narcissists are not villains. At least not all of them. Do you agree? Let us know in the comment section!

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