To My Friends Who Had Kids Before Me: Please, Forgive Me, I Didn’t Know What It Really Means To Be A Parent

The most powerful and pure love that exists in this world is the love between a mother and her child.

I can totally relate to that. However, before I had my first child I wasn’t able to realize what unconditional love really is.

In fact, before becoming a mother I didn’t believe my friends who already had children when they told me that a mother’s love is totally different and much stronger than any other kind of love. But now I know they were right.

Mother’s love is incomparable to any other kind of love. It comes from the bottom of the heart and cannot be changed or disappear with time.

I became a mom a year ago. I recall every single day of the first week after my son was born. I remember my best friend who was already a mother of two sitting next to me while I was trying to breastfeed my little treasure. I remember that no matter how much I was trying to make him latch he just wouldn’t. I can’t say how long I had been doing that before I felt I couldn’t take it anymore and broke down in tears.

Oh, how terrible I felt then. I thought I was failing as a mom. But my friend told me to calm down and to relax. According to her all that was going on was actually normal.

A few weeks later I read a quote by Naya Rivera:

“You’re always going to wonder if you’re doing things wrong, but that’s what it means to be a mom, to care so much about someone else that you just want to be as perfect as possible.”

At that moment I realized the truth. The difficult times I was having with my baby are just a part of the process. And feeling weak or unconfident is OK.

However, in these first days of my motherhood my best friend was the one who gave me the love and support I needed. She encouraged me and made me a bit more confident.

Having such a good friend in my life made me so happy but also so guilty. The truth is that I wasn’t by her side and didn’t help her when she became a mother for the first time. But that was because I didn’t know how. I didn’t understand all the things she was going through when she gave birth for the first time.

It wasn’t before I had my son when I realized how much I had missed by not being by my friends’ side when some of them became parents. All these precious moments, all the tears, smiles and cuddles, I had missed all of that.  But how possibly could I know what immense joy and happiness babies bring into our lives?

So, to all my friends who became parents before I did: Please, forgive me!

Please forgive me for not being by your side when you first tried to feed your babies. Please forgive me I wasn’t there to tell you it’s OK if he or she didn’t want to latch. Please forgive me I never came to the hospital to see you after you had given birth. Please forgive me for not being by your side the way I should have.

I am so sorry for only messaging you instead of coming to see you in person. I feel guilty that I never even thought of visiting you at home during the first week of your baby’s life. I am so sorry I never realized all the worries after you became parents.

And to my friends who lost their precious babies before they came to this world, I am sorry that I never knew how much pain the death of an unborn child could bring. 

I am sorry that I didn’t know what immense sadness the empty baby room and the broken dreams could cause. I feel guilty that I wasn’t supportive enough, that I wasn’t a friend good enough because I couldn’t understand your pain. I want you to know that I am sorry, although it is late now.

And to all my friends whose children are sick, I am sorry I couldn’t understand what terrible agony it is to see your child suffering every single day. Now that I am a mother myself I want to tell you that I admire you for the strength and positivism you have. You are so brave because you never give up!  And please remember now I am here for you, whenever you need me, I will be by your side! I promise!

To all my friends who have to work and take care of their kids, I am sorry. 

I never asked you if you need someone to babysit for you. I enjoyed watching the photos of you and your babies but never really knew what it takes to take care for a baby and work at the same time. I am sorry about that.

But I’ve changed. All the things I didn’t know, I  know them now. I am here to help you in your difficult times and celebrate the good moments of parenthood with you. Because now I know what it is to be a mother.

What a child gives and what a child takes from his or her parents.

I am sorry I didn’t know, but I promise that in the future I will be there for you and for your children whenever you need me. You can count on me. I promise!