Stop Pushing People Away: 5 Things I Learned The Hard Way

“It is not about you. It is about us. Life is difficult for everyone.” – Jack Kornfield

Sometimes we’re blind to how our behavior can push people away.

We have a million things to do. We are in a society that is so busy all the time. How can we help it? We don’t realize our own behavior. Sometimes this behavior can push people away.

This is not a problem, as long as we see ourselves honestly. With this radical honesty, we can make changes. We stand a chance to change our current relationships, and form new ones. Conversely, we have a chance to breed positivity. It starts with a good look in the mirror. Here are some behaviors you can stop right now. Take a deep breathe, and strive for a better tomorrow. Abandon all hope for a better yesterday, and don’t beat yourself up!


There is little as drab and uninteresting as a self absorbed person. I learned this the hard way when one day a friend called. She stated that she was sick of always hearing about me whining about my problems. The news was hard to take. I felt crushed, and that I had failed her as a friend. She was right. I just hadn’t been thinking about anyone but myself.

Luckily, this was the kick in the rear I needed. I became more aware of how my self centeredness bored others. I became more interested in what others had to say. Guess what? I learned something new about people every day – people I had been seeing for years.

The gift is this: Stop being so full of yourself, and there becomes space for other people to flower. There becomes space for someone else to feel special. Let’s face it – most of us have said enough about ourselves.


Being cynical had become a way of life. I was always negative about everything. Do you see this pattern in your own life? How can we break free from this? It brings other people down. It’s not our job to always decide what is best for everyone else.

When I gained a tiny bit of humility, I began to see. I began to see the really messed up view I had of things. I saw how I hurt other people’s feelings by being cynical of their dreams. This also hurt me – as it closed off my openness. My world became so small, because I couldn’t dare let some new idea in. I was just sure that I had the answers and this pushed people away from me.

Ready for the gift? It is that when you recognize your own cynicism, you can change it. You can replace your cynicism with openness. You can be open even if you aren’t sure something is good. It’s ok to let others have their own ideas. The world won’t end, I promise.


So maybe you do make more money than that person next to you on the train. Possibly you do have more knowledge than your best friend. The point is, it’s ok to be you and appreciate that. When it bubbles over into being conceited, that’s where the problem lies.

Being conceited has pushed people away in my own life. It never is even the people I was conceited towards. I made a conceited comment at a baseball game once. I was rather judging toward another human being. It wasn’t that person that was offended, or even heard it. The friend I was with called me out. It was me who was now in the spotlight. That’s usually how it works.

Once we realize that being conceited hurts us, we can change. We have an opportunity to see others as equals. The point is, we shouldn’t see ourselves as some high being. We all breathe from the same air. Every one of us shares the same consciousness.  Remember, You almost never look good making someone else look bad.


We all share different beliefs. Everyone on this planet thinks a little differently. What is so cool is that we are all the only one like us. This, however, does not mean that we are better. We can share a common humanness with each other. Maybe while still being different, we can respect others uniqueness.

It’s usually religion, politics, or some other touchy subject. Anything we feel strongly about can bubble up and form self-righteous behavior. I have witnessed this in myself. I have thought that others were not right. Either others just couldn’t see it, or I was wrong.

The point is – they don’t have to see it. Everyone is free to believe what they want, just like we are. If we want to save the world, then we should do it. We should save the world in our own little way, without bashing others’ views. The gift we get is that we can see life through a lens of Love. We can do this as soon as we shut off the invisible barrier. In conclusion, these barriers just bring us further away from ourselves.


Negativity is a drain on our life energy. Being so negative all the time hurts us. As a result, being so negative is also an easy way to push everyone else away. Therefore, just think for a moment, do you enjoy being around that? Does it make your day when someone is just complaining non stop?

Didn’t think so. Life does present some negative experiences. We don’t have to dwell on them. We can take the high road, and be a light to someone’s day. I began to notice my own patterning around this. I realized some people would rather not talk to me. Consequently, it wasn’t that they didn’t like me as a person, it was my negativity.

When I began to watch this, and change – things changed. I began to ask myself how to be the gift in someone’s life. This has proven to be effective – because like attracts like. Because if I am focused on being the gift, more good things abound. Furthermore, when I am focused on being negative, it’s just more toxic energy.

If you have found yourself falling victim to these behaviors, relax. You are a human being. We all learn bit by bit. Just focus on small changes, that you can commit to now. Maybe hold the door open for someone. Smile at a stranger.  Don’t honk if someone cuts you off. You have no clue what is going on in other people’s lives. Maybe you are the gift that the world needs at this very moment.

Maybe by focusing on these behaviors instead of your old ones, you change the world. In conclusion, each behavior is a choice. Is your choice to draw someone closer?

Or to push them away further?

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