5 Things You Need To Remember When Someone Constantly Lets You Down
There are some important things you need to keep in mind when someone continues to let you down.
Regardless if it is your parent, spouse, child, friend or even coworker who can’t keep their end of the bargain, being constantly let down sucks.
When someone repeatedly lets you down, it can send all sorts of feelings and questions running through your mind.
You may feel angry with them, or you might even start to resent their behaviour. In any case, being disappointed so frequently will surely make you profoundly sad.
Worse still, you may even become pessimistic. You may start thinking that people are bad by nature and even that life sucks! And all of this because of just one or two blokes, who can’t keep a promise to save their life! So, you now see how serious the issue is!
There was one person in my life who would promise me the world, only to fail to keep their word in the end. That person would make a commitment to be somewhere or do something for me, and then something would inevitably come up to prevent them from keeping their promise. come up.
At the time, that person might have had absolutely every intention to do what they said they were going to do, but it just didn’t happen. And I think that is where part of my anger came from. Someone you trust looks you in the eyes and tells you, with certainty, that you can rely on them no matter what.
Then, this same person doesn’t show up. Or does not pick up their phone. Or they just disappear from your life for a period of time. Or entirely! It feels as if you were stabbed in the back! I mean, our word is everything, so how can anyone be so careless about it?
Dealing with people who are unreliable, or who over-commit themselves can be difficult. I am going to share with you five secrets that help me keep my composure when interacting with pathological promise-breakers.
1. Never Assume Anything
Assumptions can be dangerous, because they can seriously hurt your feelings and compromise your relationships. I know it is difficult not to assume things when someone continues to let you down again and again.
On the other hand, you can’t know for sure what has really been going on with that person. We can’t read their thoughts, and we don’t know what (if anything) they are going through. For the sake of objectivity, everybody is innocent until proven otherwise.
When you ask someone to do something for you, do not be too insistent, neither should you be too demanding when they agree. You see, sometimes your insistence may put the other person in a situation where they simply can’t accept your conditions, but at the same time they may have an issue saying no to people.
In any case, if one fails to keep their word about something, they should at least apologize sincerely. At this point you should accept their promise, as it would be extremely rude not to. However, keep in mind that that person is not the most reliable person you’ve met.
2. Accept Them For Who They Are
I can tell you, one of the easiest ways to deal with those who overcommit is to just accept them for who they are. Our expectations about our friends and family may sometimes be unrealistically high, but let’s face it – people don’t change overnight, so we should be more lenient.
We can’t change who people are. Everyone is unique when it comes to values and priorities. We need to remember to ACCEPT instead of EXPECT. Accepting the facts as they are will save you a lot of pain, bitterness, and anger. If you have a hard time accepting someone’s behaviour as it is, then maybe the next tip is just for you.
3. Tell Them Exactly How You Feel, Your Feelings Are Valid
It’s great to have faith in others and believe they will suddenly gain integrity, but sometimes people need an impetus. That is, someone or something to show them the way.
Those who repeatedly disappoint others spend a great deal of time weighing the different options that life offers them. Initially, they may say they will do you the favor you’ve been asking for. Then, a million reasons pop up in their mind as to why they can’t. We don’t know how they feel about it, and we can’t be sure if they realize what their decision means to us.
So you have to tell them. Without anger or resentment, explain to them that their sudden decision to back off makes you feel unimportant. You can add that from that point on, their word means nothing to you, because of their tendency to let you down. If you don’t tell them, how will they know? Just remember to speak from the heart, and maybe you will be able to help them see the situation from your perspective.
4. Break The Vicious Circle
Once you have told someone how you feel and how their actions have affected you, it’s time to let go of the hurt. End the cycle of expectation, disappointment, and pain. This is when you set boundaries and make it clear that your relationship requires equal effort.
If they agree, then your relationship can happily go on. However, if the dynamics have changed too much for them, and they decide they can’t make the necessary compromise, then you should know that your relationship is nearing its end.
When you choose to stop letting the behaviour of others affect your feelings, you will see that breaking the cycle of pain is the beginning of a much happier life for you.
After you have explained your feelings and given the other person time to react, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. If nothing has changed, then it is time to let go and move on.
Trying to maintain a relationship that is ill-fated doesn’t benefit either party. Life is hard enough without having to force friendships/relationships to work. Someone who truly wants to improve their relationship with you will appreciate your honesty. A real friend is someone who will work with you through whatever life may throw at your friendship.
We can never be in control of how people may act in certain situations. However, we can set boundaries in our relationships. That way, we will be able to control the treatment we receive from others.
What do you think about this?
How have you dealt with someone who constantly lets you down? Let us know in the comments!