Immaturity can be charming at first, even attractive. An immature adult often strikes us as whimsical.
They may have a good sense of humor, an exciting worldview, and an appealing propensity to live in the moment. In the end, however, these people are not capable of forming healthy relationships. An immature adult is not prepared to care for others. Truly, they haven’t mastered caring for themselves. As Harry Overstreet explained, “To the immature, other people are not real.”
Are you more of a parent than a partner? Here are 25 ways to tell:
1. They feel entitled to what others have – even if they are not willing to work for it. Their philosophy is simple: What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is ours!
2. They do not have well-defined long-term goals, or the ambition and work ethic to achieve them. In a way, they are going about in circles, hoping that they’ll eventually come up with a life plan.
3. They do not respect your need to have time, hobbies, and friendships of your own. They feel entitled to all of your attention. And if they do not get it right now, they start throwing mighty temper tantrums.
4. You can’t count on these individuals to keep their promises – even when you’re sure they intend to. Sometimes, even their children appear to be more matured and reliable than them.
5. They reluctantly do the bare minimum when it comes to work, community, and family responsibility. You often feel like their maid or parent. This becomes particularly annoying if you have a common mortgage and two or three kids to take care of.
6. They use humor to avoid having serious discussions. They may also tend to laugh off emotionally difficult moments. We all love to laugh, but a healthy adult relationship requires a bit of seriousness at times.
7. They are constantly exposing those around them to their mood swings. They can bottle up their emotions unnoticed for months and then give vent to their negativity in the most unexpected and inappropriate moment. There is no in between.
8. They blame all of their troubles on their parents, society, or the government. Nothing seems to be their fault. More often than not, they have it out with their nearest and dearest, that is, their partner.
9. They refuse to acknowledge when there is a problem. They will ignore it as long as possible, and then deny it if you bring it up yourself. The more urgent the issue, the deeper they’ll bury their head in the sand.
10. Your partner is always the one who makes the messes. You are always the one who fixes them. There’s no “give and take” about it. For one thing, when they mess it up, they do it with grace!
11. They ignore you and withhold affection in front of their friends. Usually, this is their way to retaliate on you for something you might have done some time ago that they did not quite like. Even if you no longer remember the incident itself, they will always make you pay for your misstep.
12. They must have the newest version of everything – the best phone, the latest computer – even if their current one works just fine. This is a matter of prestige more than anything else.
13. They seem incapable of committing to plans and then following through in a timely manner. In a way, this relates to the point I made above about their inability to keep their word.
14. They would rather make a clever – but hurtful – joke than spare your feelings in public. Their ego is more important to them than their partner’s emotional comfort.
15. They rarely apologize if they’ve done something wrong. And If they do attempt an apology, it is likely to be one that exempts them from responsibility and shifts the blame back to you.
16. If there’s anything free, immature people are there to get it. It does not really matter if they need the particular giveaway or not. They take advantage of volunteer workers and charities. They will often ask for handouts even if they are quite comfortably off.
17. They are constantly engaged in conflicts with their colleagues and bosses. They may need to change jobs often because of their uncooperativeness.
18. They can be openly rude to people you care for. They refuse to hold in their contempt – deserved or not – for the sake of your peace.
19. They prioritize their own comfort over their loved ones’ wellbeing. This is one of the finest example of selfishness I can think of.
20. They don’t manage their time well. Their inability to plan has them constantly missing important deadlines, and sometimes failing to show up for important appointments.
21. They constantly complain about their job, children, and community responsibilities. Occasional venting is one thing. A deep resentment of adulthood is quite another. An adult who has healthy self-esteem is proud to contribute to society.
22. Conflicts often devolve into name-calling, hurtful insults, and hysterical behavior. This is because they are unable to come up with any reasonable arguments in support of their claims.
23. They like to point out your mistakes. You always have to be on your guard with them around. They demand perfection from you but can never attain it themselves.
24. They avoid financial responsibility at all costs. They may become deeply in debt from extravagant spending. No wonder if they start blaming you for not earning enough to support the household.
25. They complain all the time. They never seem to acknowledge the good things in life, since they are always so focused on negativity. Notwithstanding, they do not want those around them to complain about anything.
“To be of good quality, you have to excuse yourself from the presence of shallow and callow minded individuals,” wrote Michael Bassey Johnson. Break free from your child of a husband (or wife), and allow yourself to develop to your true potential. You’ll love who you become without them weighing your spirit down. After all, emotionally mature people are better off be alone than with an immature partner.