We all want to be liked, loved and accepted. We are social beings and it is in our nature to connect with others and get along with them. What better way to do that, than to always be available when they need you, to be supportive and to never say “No”? Well, that’s not the answer, as in the long run, this could actually destroy your life and health.
“The desire to please others may not be a bad trait, but it can rob you of your freedom and inner peace” -Paul Wong
Saying YES to others might often mean saying NO to yourself. It might seem fine at first, there’s no outer conflict whatsoever, but the inner conflict starts building up slowly. We get to the point where we feel guilty if we say, NO, but we also get bitter on the inside if we say YES, because we don’t really mean it. Slowly these negative feelings of guilt and bitterness start taking ahold of our lives, we get more and more bummed, anxious, overwhelmed and burned out, which is a sure recipe for disaster.
Here are 5 good reasons to stop pleasing others immediately:
1. You’re destroying your health.
It’s so easy to forget about yourself and your needs when you’re focused on pleasing others. Being a Yes-man can cause an inner conflict which can lead to anxiety, resentment, bitterness, and all those things are bad for both your mental and physical health.
2. You’re destroying your character and making yourself less attractive.
Your need to please others might strip you of your character. You give up on who you are so you can be available for them, just like a little, obedient puppy. Don’t get me wrong, puppies are amazing and their loyalty is admirable, but when we’re talking about human relationships things are different. By dissolving your personality in order to please people you become less attractive and actually push them away from you. And while we’re on the topic of attraction, here are 6 things that make you immensely attractive.
3. You become bitter and resentful.
Very often you start resenting the same people that you want to please. Every time when you say YES when you want to say NO, you might feel bitterness inside. Again, on the outside, you seem fine, but there’s an inner conflict, “Why did I agree to go to that concert with Carrie when I have to study, she would never do the same for me,” see, Carrie meant no harm when she invited you to the concert, the conflict that’s going on in your head makes you bitter, your desire to please her turned an innocent invitation to something negative that could’ve been easily avoided. Every time you neglect your own needs so you can please others, you just add to that bitterness inside of you.
4. People will start taking advantage of you.
Once people see that you live to please them, they will start taking advantage of that. Even worse, there are many self-serving narcissists out there who are more than happy to meet a people-pleaser and make him/her their obedient slave.
5. You will feel abandoned and unloved.
When you’re so focused on serving others and being there for them, you might struggle to find support when you are the one needing it. People won’t even think that you might need their help because you’ve created a false feeling in them that you always have your shit together, so they’ll assume you’re fine at all times. That could make you feel unloved and abandoned.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. -Unknow
That’s right, if you really want to live your best life and really make others a favor, if you want them to enjoy being around you and to seek your presence even more, start taking better care of yourself!