Mending a Broken Heart: The 2 Main Components of Healing from a Breakup
Nothing dredges up memories of lost love quite like the impending commercial fiasco that is Valentine’s Day. You can’t escape it, it is everywhere. Valentine’s day sales, products, and promotions can feel like a spotlight being shone on you are your “single” status. Valentine’s day is even worse if you have recently gone through a breakup. Not that there is ever a good time for a breakup. Heartbreak can be a crippling situation, even for the strongest of souls. As someone who has been through a couple of people’s fair share of heartbreaks, I’ve got some experience with the ensuing healing process. For me, it boils down to 2 major components: Attitude and Outlook.
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Better to be Alone than with the Wrong Person
As cliche as it sounds, you really are better off alone than you are with someone who doesn’t love and respect you. I know that is way easier to say than it is to realize sometimes. It’s almost got to become your mantra in times of heartbreak, and it has to sink in. We only get one life, and every second we waste on someone who doesn’t deserve us is a second we lose with someone who does.
You Can’t Always Fix People
Too often we get into relationships with people that are 90% perfect, and we convince ourselves that we can change that remaining 10%. The truth is, you can’t change people’s nature. It’s not a failure on your part, people are going to do what they have to do. You’re better off finding that perfect puzzle piece for you, instead of jamming the wrong one in place trying to find a fit.
Read: Why A ‘Broken Heart’ Is So Painful And How To Help It Heal
Nothing is Wrong with You
I’ve said this before, and I will say it again: Quit focusing on what is wrong with you, and ask yourself what is wrong with the other person. In a breakup, it is way too easy to assume that something in you is broken or that you are unlovable. The truth is, you just picked the wrong person for you, and there is nothing wrong with you.
No matter what you do, keep that chin up. Attitude is the one thing in our lives that we have 100% control over. Maintaining a positive attitude often times seems so simple, but it really is a powerful thing.
You Can’t Change the Past
Sitting around ruminating, dwelling, and obsessing about the past is guaranteed to do one thing: absolutely nothing. Until time travel is invented the past is going to have to stay right where it belong – in the past. The sooner you quit replaying the entire relationship in your head, the sooner you can move on.
You’re Better Off
If you agree that it is better to be alone than it is to be with the wrong person, then technically, you are better off without them. Being single can be a scary thing, but not nearly as scary as wasting time on the wrong person. Focus on that. Focus on yourself. Live your life the way you want to live it before you try to fit someone else in it.
Read: The Science of Heartbreak
This is a Step, Not the Destination
Just because your last relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to being a lonely cat person. It just means that this particular chapter of your life has come to and end, and you get to start your next one. There are going to be more chapters in your book, some longer than others, but that is all a failed relationship is. It’s not an indication of your ability to love or be loved, just and indication that this particular relationship wasn’t right.
Time is the only truly medicine for a broken heart. In the beginning, the pain of a breakup is a physical thing. It is like having the air sucked out of your lungs. But as time goes on, and you begin to heal, you’ll find your air again. You’ll breathe deep and the wounds will heal.