How To Stop Being An Abusive Person For Good In 6 Steps

Do you think that you might be an abusive person?

Being in a relationship with an abusive partner can be extremely destructive. It can destroy one’s mental health, leaving them with low self-esteem, no confidence, and feelings of worthlessness. Furthermore, abusive relationships can even drive the victim into a clinical depression. A common misconception exists where people believe that abuse in a relationship is limited to just physical acts of violence. This is entirely and completely false. Abuse can be emotional, mental, or physical. The way you talk to someone, the way you treat them, and the way you make them feel can be abusive. Being told or finding out that you are abusive can be difficult and eye-opening. If you are reading this article, you have taken the most important step: you have admitted your mistakes and are willing to change.

There are 6 steps you should take for real, lasting change:

1. Admit that you are abusive and decide to change

Recognizing that your words and actions cause pain and harm is the first (and most important) step to becoming a better person. If you have realized that you are abusive and you are willing to change, you are practically already halfway there.

2. Take responsibility

Own up to the things that you do and say, apologize for your behavior, and take responsibility for your actions. Even though it may be difficult, you need to understand that you are in control of what you say and do. Admit when it is your fault and do not try to blame your partner for your behavior. While many things can influence and provoke you, it is your choice whether to act or not.

3. Apologize without making excuses

Speak to your partner, let them know that you are sorry, and listen to what they have to say. Understand how your actions and words have made them feel. Of course, this will be difficult and you will get the urge to begin making excuses. Fight this urge and listen carefully: hearing what they say will inspire you to change because, at the end of the day, nobody wants to hurt the ones they love. Listen so that you can understand, not so that you can explain and defend yourself.

4. Forgive yourself

Hearing how much pain you have put your partner through can be devastating as more often than not, abusive people do not even know that the things they do and say are wrong. Understand that your actions do not define who you are and that it is possible to change. Forgive yourself for hurting the ones you love and begin transforming yourself.

5. Learn to respect your partner

Stop expecting them to be who you want them to be; instead, learn to acknowledge, accept, and appreciate that they are their own independent person. They are allowed to be who they want to be just like you are. Do not control them and do not punish them for being who they are. Accept them – and if you cannot accept them, leave. 

6. Seek help

No matter how hard we try to fight things on our own, we need to seek help sometimes. If you cannot seem to take control by yourself, you may need to consider talking to a licensed therapist, counselor, clinical social worker or a mental health professional who can help you manage your feelings and behaviors.

The important thing to remember is that you have all it takes to change and become a better person.

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