This is when a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice beforehand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and preventing them in public.
Benching, however, is different.
It is when you start dating someone you think is cute and who has potential, but you’re not crazy about them. You don’t know whether to keep dating them or dump them and move on to the next one. This is where benching happens; instead of going for either of the above-polarized options, you put your date in your mind and ‘bench them’ so you date around to see what else is out there.
Here is what my friend Sarah told me about one of the men she’s dated this year.
I went on the perfect first date with a man who even sent me a message. He was saying he would be happy to see me again. But now, it’s been months, and he never invited me on another date. Nonetheless, he keeps on texting me every once in a while, liking my social media posts, and messaging me on Instagram, trying to keep me interested.
That is what we could call benching. Instead of saying directly that you are not that interested in someone you bench so that you give yourself the chance to get back to this person later. This is the worst dating trend out there.
Here are seven credible reasons proving that getting benched is way worse than being ghosted.
1. Ghosting is direct, benching makes the other person harbor false hopes.
Ghosting is a mean but more or less honest act. At least, it makes it clear what the message of the person who” has disappeared” is. While with benching, you could be on the hook for months. You could lose months hoping for someone who isn’t serious instead of finding a person who is ready for a serious relationship with you.
2. Some men use benching to boost their ego.
Most of the men who bench do this because they want to have a whole list of ladies available for them so that they could choose. They’retrying to boost their egos at the expense of others people’s feelings while also keeping their options open. While ghosting is usually done because they don’t want to feel bad by directly rejecting a girl.
3. Benching is to put dust in the other person’s eyes.
If someone ghosts, this means they feel uncomfortable with breakups. It’s ugly, mean and rude, but the message is clear. With benching, what you do is keeping your options open, while you politely throw dust into the other person’s eyes. And on the top of that, no one can blame you for being too honest.
4. People who ghost are rude. Those who bench are unscrupulous.
Ghosting and benching reveal that these people are nasty people. They show that these guys are mean. And also reveal that these people think about themselves only. If a man likes you, he’ll do more than texting you once or twice a week. He’ll invite you to go out together. He won’t keep you on the line until he figures out whether or not he’s feeling it — that’s dirtbag behavior.
5. Cheaters use benching to explain their behavior.
People who cheat often tend to go from one relationship to another. But what the most experienced players do is bench. They would invite you to go out, call you or text you and then deny the whole idea by saying something like “Look, it’s not like we’re dating exclusively.”…
6. Benching is crueler than ghosting.
Ghosting means ignoring the person completely, which is rude but at least you know where you stand. When you get benched, it’s very likely that you live with the false idea that you matter to the person more than you do. You hear all sorts of excuses why they cannot meet you or go out with you and you believe because you like them. And this is far nastier and more heartbreaking than ghosting — and that’s why we shouldn’t be doing it or fall victims to it.
7. Dating nowadays has become crappy.
Dating would be so much easier if we all knew what the other person’s real intentions were. The fact that nowadays very often people don’t know where they stand says much about the value of the date. Especially if we the other person is ghosting. Or worse, benching us.
The best way to avoid getting involved with a bencher is to tell them that if they want to talk to you, they can do it face to face. If they want a relationship with you, they’ll call you and invite you to see each other. So, if this is not the case, you’d better stay away from this person as you deserve someone much better.
Have you ever got benched? Tell us about your experience in the comments.