Destiny Might Have Something To Do With Finding The One But It’s Us Who Decide To Stay Or To Go

If it is meant to be fate will bring us back together. For a second I wonder if you are really that naive. If you really believe fate works like that. As if it lives in the sky staring down at us. As if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. – Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

When it comes to true love and finding a lifetime partner there are many (sometimes) conflicting ideas whether or not this is a matter of fate or a conscious choice.

Movies and fairy tales make us believe that no matter how long it takes, and no matter what happens if two people are meant to be together they’ll eventually be.

But could this come true in real life? 

And do all-powerful love stories end with ”THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER” as we are used to seeing in the movies or reading in the books.

Here is the story of James who believes that although feelings and emotions cannot be controlled by reason and logic the choice whether or not to stay with a certain partner is ours.

My wife and I broke up three times over the course of our relationship (before getting officially married). Every time we split up it wasn’t because we just needed time on our own or something like it. What we thought was that our relationship was over for good. And whenever we broke up I was completely heartbroken and felt depressed. The periods of the splits-up were different but the longest period was more than a year. During this time we didn’t have any contacts with each other, we were both trying to move on and started seeing other people.

However, we couldn’t get over our feelings and sooner or later we got together again. Finally, we realized we couldn’t live without each other and we’ve been married for 5 years now. We’re extremely happy.

And since the moment we got married I have always been thinking to myself if we are two soul mates who are meant to be together or it is a decision made by two mature individuals who reconnected at another stage of their lives when they more stable both emotionally and personally.

If I have to be honest, I don’t believe that fate has anything to do with our choice to be together. It’s just that I was lucky to cross path with someone who is very much like me. However, we needed some time to realize that each of us had all the things the other was looking for and  to manage to overcome our differences so that we could stay together in the long-run. And yes, we might be called soul mates but not because these two words stand for two people mystically connected by the thread of fate but because we actually have a lot of things in common which makes our union happy and stable.

So, is this the key to finding the One?

Overcoming the differences you have with your soulmate who is actually a person you have a lot of things in common?

To answer these questions we should take a more detailed look at the idea of soulmates which seems to have existed since thousands of years in all cultures around the world.

There is a Chinese belief that there are lovers destined to be together despite their social status or origins who are connected through a red thread – this idea dates as back as the ninth century.

However, it was Samuel Taylor Coleridge who for the first time used the term in its today’s meaning  when he mentioned it in a letter in 1822 –

“To be happy in married life… you must have a soulmate,”.

This was a revolutionary idea, as at the times marriage was more of an agreement based on social status and financial interests.

Certainly morlas have changed a lot since then and today what people usually seek in a serious relationship is a partner who understands them and could be there for them.

According to a study conducted by the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate (CARA) at Georgetown University in 2007, 88 percent of the Catholic participants want their husband or wife to be also a soul mate.

But how many actually believe that soulmate is someone who comes to us because he or she was meant to do so?

Vanessa Van Edwards in the “The Science of Soulmates,”  claims that more than 70% of people in America think that a soulmate is someone with who they have a strong connection and that it was their destiny to meet this person. They also think that it depends mainly on fate to find a happy relationship that could last until the end of their lives.

But is that true? Could we only rely on fate for finding happiness and love?

Here is the opinion of Radha Shwesh a spiritual counselor:

“While many people believe that having a relationship with your soulmate is predestined and would certainly bring a success there are no proofs that this is true. Of course, sometimes romantic stories finish with a happy ending but in reality, it is not possible to forsee the full course of a relationship or how it will end. Still, I think that destiny plays a certain role when it comes to meeting someone you would never have known under normal circumstances. However, apart from that, destiny has not much to do with how the two partners will get along together at a later stage of the relationship.”

“We shouldn’t forget that we have different personalities as well as free will that allows us to make choices which are actually the reason for the success or the fail of a relationship.”

Maybe it is exactly our free will that is responsible for starting or staying in a certain relationship. But of course we are all free to believe and think whatever we want. Even if it sounds illogical or is not supported by evidence or facts such as that love is a mystical union between two people and that it exists because of the invisible support of destiny.

However, what is undeniably true is that every relationship requires effort and it’s the effort that we put into it which makes it a good and happy one.

Because as Paulo Coelho writes in Brida:

“When you were in love, you were capable of learning everything and of knowing things you had never dared even to think because love was the key to understanding all of the mysteries.”

Have you find your soulmate?

Please tell us in the comments.

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