Face It, No One Likes A Complainer
Nobody likes to be around people who are constantly complaining.
It is normal to complain from time to time; however, if complaining becomes a habit, you might end up hurting yourself and pushing away those around you. According to Lisa Juliano, Psy.D. at Psychology Today, there are three different types of complaining: the active effective complaint, venting, and the ineffective complaint.
1. The Active Effective Complaint
This kind of complaint is one that is directed at something specific which falls short of expectations. In this case, the person who has an ‘active complaint’ is known as the ‘active complainer’ and they tend to be assertive and confident. In other words, they ‘complain’ about the situation that has not met their expectations and take action to get what they want.
There are two ways of venting: one is healthy whereas the other could be toxic. In the first case, one vents about a situation with the hopes of finding a solution to their problem. The other case refers to unhealthy venting which can turn into whining as one complains without looking for a solution or taking action.
3. The Ineffective Complaint
In this case, one generally complains about something over which they lack control. Juliano explains that ‘ineffective complainers often see the glass as half-empty to protect themselves from disappointment’. She further states that these complaints are not intended to change the situation but to rather create a mental state which helps the complainer manage their disappointment. Juliano clarifies this by giving the following example: ‘an actor who has been struggling with booking jobs might complain that auditions are never fair’. Ineffective complainers self sabotage and cause themselves great pain.
By turning complaining into a habit you risk poisoning your life.
If you are a chronic complainer, you need to stop and reevaluate your perspective on life and the world around you. Those who turn complaining into a habit tend to look for faults in everything – and everyone – around them. This means that they can never be satisfied with the life they lead as they are only capable of seeing its negative aspects. Eventually, you will not only cause yourself tremendous pain but you will also risk losing the ones around you as they may find it difficult to constantly absorb your negative energy.
Shifting your mindset and changing your perspective can be extremely difficult. After decades of looking at the world through a negative lens, many need to turn to therapists in order to learn how to view the things and people around them in a more positive light.