What Is Avoidant attachment style?
Individuals with avoidant attachment style can’t establish close relationships with others. Actually, such people avoid becoming close to anyone and are incapable of maintaining healthy, long-lasting relationships. And the worst of all is that almost 25% of the people on a global scale, in couples or single, tend to have avoidant personalities.
Reasons and symptoms of the avoidant attachment style:
There are many reasons that could lead to developing such a personality. Yet the most common one is absent or abusive parents who neglect and/or harass their children emotionally. Domestic violence could also be a factor causing emotional detachment in the victim.
Another important thing is that the avoidant attachment style could vary and there are different types of it.
Some people’s behavior is characterized by underestimating the importance of human connections and their own feelings. These individuals have a Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style. They are extremely distant to their partners which is why their relationships fail sooner or later.
At the opposite end of the emotional spectrum are the so-called anxious-preoccupied avoidants who tend to be extremely sensitive. Especially when it comes to their relationships.
There is also a third kind with similar behavior. They are called Fearful-Avoidants. Symptoms of their condition could be the fickle feelings for their partners and relationships. Another typical trait of these individuals is they always struggle deep inside themselves. The reason is that they experience emotions much more intensely and their feelings tend to overwhelm them.
So, in case you have problems with establishing closeness with your partner, it might well be because he or she has the avoidant attachment style.
To help you identify whether this is the case below we have outlined 7 typical behaviors people with this type of personality exhibit.
1. First and foremost, avoidants tend to undervalue feelings.
Because of that, they are incapable of building true closeness with their loved ones. In fact, avoidants treat their significant others like business partners who can help them to achieve their goals rather as people who they love unconditionally.
2. If you’re dating a man or a woman who has an avoidant attachment style, you will most probably feel needy at a certain point.
Yet that problem is not provoked by you. It all happens because you probably are deprived of the normal support and attention everyone is supposed to receive from their significant other. Avoidants value their independence to the point where they inevitably become emotionally detached from their close people.
3. Commitment to an avoidant is almost impossible for it requires closeness which these individuals cannot give.
Actually one of their biggest fears is that becoming too close with someone will make them vulnerable. Here is why they won’t take that next step with another person. Although an avoidant may have a long relationship, when he or she sees that things are getting serious, they will most probably retreat. Or put distance between them and their partner.
4. Avoidants try to escape from responsibilities.
Especially when it comes to the issues every relationship goes through. They prefer concentrating on their own needs and problems. That’s why they usually maintain relationships which are superficial so they could avoid any extra stress.
5. For an avoidant, it is also typical to concentrate on the past rather than on the future.
This happens because he or she is likely to choose partners that are not suitable for them in the long run. That way the avoidants don’t need to consider serious investment in the relationship and potential commitment.
6. Avoidants have feelings for their significant others (most times) but always put themselves first.
Above all, they value their personal space and time. And that could influence negatively any relationship. These individuals love their partners and usually miss them if they are separated for a long period. However, when they are together with their loved ones avoidants try to keep distance in order not to lose their independence.
7. Something you could hardly ever expect from an avoidant is to share their feelings with you.
They find it difficult and irrelevant. For these people sharing means exposing themselves and becoming vulnerable which as mentioned above they fear of immensely. Here is why a deep and meaningful emotional connection is almost impossible if you are dealing with an avoidant.
If you notice that your partner is emotionally distant all the time most probably he or she has problems with building intimacy and cannot feel real happiness in their relationships. In such cases, you could try to help both your loved one and your relationship by always being available for him or her. That is one of the most efficient ways to show your significant other how much they mean to you. It might take time but hopefully, in the end, they will be much more prone to accept your closeness and affection. And last but not least, if this is not working out you should seek professional help.