Emotional detachment
Let’s start with a question ‘what is emotional detachment ’ in order to understand the root of a problem. According to psychiatrists and therapists, this behaviour can be explained as a lack of emotions related to a certain aspect (career, close relationship…). Everyone at least once in life has communicated with emotionally detached people. They make an impression of introverts who are unstable and definitely not welcoming.
Avoidant attachment style
Partners who are emotionally detached would always avoid establishing a close relationship with each other. Among the most poisonous relationship patterns is the ‘avoidant attachment style’. Such behaviour consists of a partner /or even the two partners in a relationship/ who couldn’t get attached. The reason is that they want to escape extreme closeness with the other. And it turns out that around 1/4 of people, in couples or single, tend to have avoidant personality.
Reasons and symptoms of the problem
This condition is experienced by individuals who had been emotionally neglected throughout their childhood. Parents were often absent or they abused the children emotionally. Such people could have been victims of domestic violence. That’s why they might develop an avoidant attachment style. That affects their attitude towards relationships through most of their lives.
Symptoms of this condition are unpleasant feelings if the partner tries to establish emotional closeness. At this stage, the one who has avoidant attachment personality might decide to end the relationship if the other “comes” too close.
Luckily, a few simple exercises could help establish intimacy and could break this relationship pattern.
For the first exercise, partners in the study had to answer a group of questions that required sharing some personal facts among each other.
Here are a few of the questions:
– Have you cried in front of another person? On your own?
– How would you define a “perfect” day for you?
– Finish this sentence: “I wish I had a person to whom I could tell…
– Is becoming popular a dream for you? In what way would you like to become famous?
– Give three things you and your partner have in common.
The author of these questions is Professor Arthur Aron. This psychologist from New York designed them hoping to stimulate couples to become closer to each other. You can read all the questions here
Techniques for overcoming avoidant attachment
People in the research practised partner yoga as well. It involves poses for two. After the yoga session, they had to answer the questions. The results showed that partners who were more emotionally distant gave higher ratings to the relationship. These scientists asked some couples to keep diaries for a period of three weeks. The point was to describe their emotions. The results of the experiment proved some interesting things.
Listening and showing to the other they were loved had a positive outcome. This way the relationship became better. Actually, the techniques to make a difficult relationship easier don’t take that much of an effort. Posing meaningful questions and answering them could make a big difference in relieving negativity and bringing satisfaction. On the top of that, people who participated said that emphasising positive relationship memories could be beneficial.
Conclusions
People who tend to be more emotionally distant most probably have problems with intimacy and happiness in relationships. We could solve these issues if positivity in the relationship dominates over the negative elements. This way a partner who has avoidant attachment style could feel more at ease and accept closeness. Here’s what the researchers said, “…simple positive activities and intimacy-favouring relationship experiences influenced the problematic partners in the short and in the long term as well.”
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