Are narcissists nothing but bad people who intentionally hurt everyone around them?
What makes them this abusive and manipulative towards others? Is there a chance they might actually be helpless and use this terrible behavior as a defensive mechanism?
Frankly, the answers to these questions are never simple. Narcissists are just as complex as every other human being. Claiming all narcissists are bad is just as senseless as claiming everyone else is good. The same goes for assuming that all people with narcissistic personalities are evil individuals who do not care whom they hurt.
Can narcissists be ‘good’?
We live in a complicated world where assuming someone’s true intentions based on only one conversation with them can often be misleading. Even though we are convinced the person in front of us is awfully toxic, we should always have in mind that they can be trapped in their own self-centered minds. They might be trying their best to be good people, but their crooked perception of reality can trick them into thinking that everyone else is trying to sabotage them.
Not being able to tell whether someone is being genuine or fake destroys their eagerness to form stable relationships. Instead, they rush to hurt others first, so they don’t get hurt themselves.
Another way a narcissist’s mind may work is by placing everyone in two categories – those who they look up to, and the ones they label as worthless. One of the main personality traits narcissists have is surrounding themselves with people they believe are perfect just to increase their own social status. Everyone else is nothing but a waste of fresh air to them. They feel zero empathy for the people they consider useless. That’s the main reason they seem to never care about others’ feelings and emotions.
What is the reason behind a narcissist’s tendency to emotionally abuse others?
Believe it or not, most narcissists struggle with extremely low self-esteem. They cover their insecurities behind the mask of a confident, successful, self-aware person. Instead of working on improving themselves, they create a persona based on the qualities they wished they had and use that persona when around people who haven’t seen their true colors. And the moment someone reminds them of their flaws, they are quick to claim that someone is responsible for their behavior. Admitting their fragility or fault is nowhere to be found in their agenda.
When narcissists are reminded of their insecurities, they place the one that brought the subject to light in a third category – enemies.
Even though that someone might have been their best friend prior to that moment, they erase any positive memory they had with them and start plotting revenge. People with narcissistic personality traits can indeed be vengeful, especially when their egos have been hurt. The combination of a narcissist’s self-esteem issues and vengeful nature can be extremely dangerous.
However, some of them eventually realize they have responded to the situation too aggressively and even regret it. Still, their strong sense of pride doesn’t allow them to admit their mistakes and apologize, even when they know in their hearts they were wrong. Sometimes, the ones who still have some traces of empathy in their souls can make a gesture, such as giving you a present to get your mind off their mistake. And if you try to confront them and seek a direct explanation for their misleading actions, they are highly likely to become defensive as they will feel attacked by you.
Do narcissists always hurt others intentionally?
The increased self-centeredness in their characters often doesn’t let them see how their actions affect others. When they make fun of someone, they consider only the fact they are being witty and hilarious. This someone’s feelings are almost never something that crosses their minds. Therefore, even when hurting you isn’t on their agenda, their behavioral patterns related to the way they are treating the ones around them can still result in your feelings getting hurt.
Of course, there are the ‘bad’ narcissists some of us know too well. The ones who humiliate you on purpose and thrive on your misery. They never consider others’ emotions, except for when these emotions can help them with their manipulative mind games. These so-called toxic people enjoy seeing their devious plans in action. This way, they somehow make themselves feel superior.
The truth is that most narcissists, no matter how hard they are trying to be good and follow society’s moral values, suffer from mental unstableness, which often makes them hurt even the ones they cherish the most.
Do you believe that narcissists can change and become good people? Leave a comment to let us know!
