12 signs that you are actually a narcissist

Narcissistic people tend to be toxic and abusive.

A narcissist is someone who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and believes that they are superior. Subsequently, they are often obsessed with fame, success, and attention. In addition to this, those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are not afraid to deceive, manipulate, and abuse the people around them to achieve what they want. While people usually try to identify the narcissists in their lives, they seldom wonder if they themselves possess narcissistic tendencies. 

There are 12 signs that you are a narcissist

1. You are a sore loser AND winner.

According to Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., a psychologist and the author of The Narcissist You Know, narcissists are a bad sport. This is because they cannot accept failure as they believe that they are better than everybody else. Similarly, they are sore winners because they excessively brag and gloat.

2. You feel unappreciated.

Narcissists feel entitled to special attention. Therefore, they often convince themselves that they are under appreciated when they do not receive the praise or attention that they think they deserve. 

3. You think everyone is stupid.

In your eyes, nobody will ever be as clever or as talented as you are. For this reason, you think that you are the smartest person in the room everywhere you go.

4. You feel justified in being mean.

Narcissists know that being vengeful is not appropriate behavior. Therefore, if they witness someone being cruel, they are likely to point it out and judge them. At the same time, they believe that their own vengeful behavior is always justified.

5. You love controlling people.

Unsurprisingly, narcissists enjoy giving orders and leading people. Positions of power allow them to dominate others and confirm their perceived superiority.

6. You hate feeling emotional.

Harvard Medical School psychologist Craig Malkin explains that “Narcissists abhor feeling influenced in any significant way. It challenges their sense of perfect autonomy; to admit to a feeling of any kind suggests they can be affected by someone or something outside of them.”

7. You believe you are more attractive than others.

A 2008 study found that narcissistic men and women rate themselves as more attractive (and intelligent) than less narcissistic people do. What is more, the study found that outside judges did not perceive the narcissists as more attractive.

8. You do not listen.

When ‘listening’ to others, you zone out and wait for them to stop talking so that you can speak about yourself. Moreover, you do not listen to the other person’s thoughts and feelings when you argue. Instead, you talk loudly, interrupt them, and try to prove your point.

9. You cheat in relationships.

Narcissists adore feeling special. As a result, they are easily tempted by people who give them attention and make them feel important. In addition to this, having an affair means having to deceive and manipulate your current partner. Narcissistic people are not only skilled at doing so but they also enjoy it as it makes them feel powerful.

10. You put people down. 

If you enjoy pointing out other people’s flaws and diminishing their successes, you are most likely a narcissist. People with NPD tear others down because they often feel threatened by their accomplishments.

11. You befriend people you can use.

Narcissists do not form strong bonds and relationships. To them, friendships are about making connections with people you can use and take advantage of.

12. You date people who make you look good.

If your partners have always been the most attractive, the most successful, or the most talented, you could be a narcissist. People with NPD believe that their partners are a reflection of who they are. In other words, they choose to date ‘extraordinary’ people who will make them seem more special.

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