“The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets. The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears. And the kindest hearts have felt the most pain.”
These are the things you understand when you’re fighting through unimaginable pain but trying to hide behind a mask of happiness…
1. You always say yes and put other people’s problems before your own
If you are helping a loved one you press pause on all of your own problems and focus completely on the person in need.
You say yes to pretty much everything in order to keep yourself sane. You feel like no matter how mundane you’d normally find a given task, it’s better than the alternative – the inside of your own head.
2. You keep yourself busy
No matter if it’s your career or a new activity you picked up recently, you become extremely focused on anything that helps you stay away from your own pain.
3. You seek refuge in music
You discover music you can now completely relate to. Songs that explain all the pain you’re going through. In truth, even if you try, you cannot seem to find the words to express how you feel, and it’s as if you’re finding your story in music.
4. You aren’t truly honest when asked how you’re doing
You just say “Everything’s alright, doing good.”… even though this couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s just easier to tell a quick lie and get out of there. You are in so much pain that you feel if you actually open up to someone about it, you’ll just end up making people feel extremely uncomfortable.
5. You try hard to look high-spirited
It’s as if you’re putting on a happy mask believing that if you just wear it for long enough it’ll merge with you and everything will be solved.
6. You try to avoid eye contact with certain people
You try to stay clear of the ones who deep down you know can see through your pain. But even though you don’t want them to know, they can sense that you’re hurting.
7. You think too much about what could have been
You know you shouldn’t be spending too much time thinking about the past but all you do is keep thinking about how great things were once upon a time. And you want those wonderful times to return, knowing full well that the only way forward is to leave the past behind.
8. You resort to all kinds of distractions to ease the pain
You might turn to alcohol or drugs and parties which help you fabricate a false smile, but inside you are still in pieces. You do it all because otherwise, you’d have to be home with your thoughts. And despite that, you still feel alone even in a crowded room.
9. And you fall apart once its time to go home
Even though you keep it private, you cry a lot. You’re still trying to make sense of all those feelings rushing through your body while trying to find a way to get through it all.
10. And then you try to reveal your troubles by joking about them out loud
You laugh at your problem while telling people about it because you think it’ll somehow soften your pain. Sometimes people who are in a lot of pain expose their problems in a positive light in order to shield others from the actual nightmare they’re going through.
And people tell you not to worry, it’ll soon come to pass. But for you, the heartbreak you’re going through feels like an eternal prison. You know it will one day fade, and yet that day of healing seems like it will never come.
It’s a tough journey and the best you can do is soldier through until one day you can look back at it with a true smile.
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