10 fake excuses abusers use to manipulate you

Sadly, there are people with abusive personalities in all aspects of our lives.

Many of us fall victims to abusive parents, partners, friends, coworkers, managers. The list goes on.

Oftentimes these ignorant individuals use deceptive excuses to justify their offensive behavior. They try to convince you that you are the reason for the abuse you receive, whether it’s physical, or mental. If you want to protect yourself from their toxicity, you should know how they use your emotions against you to manipulate you.

Here are 10 fake excuses abusers use to deceive you: 

1. “If you hadn’t done…”

Abusive people often use blame-shifting as a strategy to excuse their behavior. They twist the facts in a way that makes you the bad guy. On their side of the story, you were the one who pushed them to act so offensively. That way, they manipulate you into believing that you are the one in the wrong – not them.

2. “You’re just too sensitive.”

Stating that you’re simply overreacting to their behavior makes those with abusive personalities feel superior. They belittle your emotions to present their actions as less bitter than they actually are.

3. “I’m sorry, but…”

Read carefully: Apology that includes the word ‘but’ is never a real apology. It’s more of an attempt to make you feel guilty for the other person’s behavior. This is yet another form of blame-shifting. Whenever someone apologizes sincerely, there are no ‘buts’ in their sentences.

4. “You hurt me first.”

Hurt people hurt people. Some individuals love to use that phrase whenever they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. Being hurt before shouldn’t excuse anyone to behave abusively towards others.

5. “You brought this on yourself.”

The person saying this implies that you should have predicted the current situation. You should have known that you would get hurt. But it is them who are hurting you, so don’t let them fool you into believing that you could prevent their abuse.

6. “It’s all your fault.”

This is, again, blame-shifting. However, it is in its most straightforward form. The abuser literally tells you that you should be held accountable for their behavior. They try to excuse their actions with something you did, which often has nothing to do with the present situation.

7. “You knew this would upset me.”

Yet again, it was your actions that led to someone else’s abusive behavior. They blame you for doing something that they got angry about. In other words, they claim that they have the right to hurt you because you upset them. Where is the logic in that?

8. “You’re such a…”

Oftentimes to justify their actions, abusers would start name-calling you. They try to maintain their superior status by making you feel bad about yourself. However, this only makes the situation worse.

9. “You act just like…”

Comparing you to someone they disapprove of makes the abuser feel excused for their unacceptable attitude. They usually say you remind them of someone they despise, which is why they feel it’s their right to condemn you for reacting a certain way.

10. “You should treat me with more respect.”

Being respectful of someone doesn’t happen instantly. We earn each other’s respect over time. They should deserve being treated that way. However, many people with abusive personalities fail to understand that, so they expect you to respect them just because they told you so.

Are you struggling with an abusive partner, friends, or family? How do you handle their behavior? Leave a comment to let us know!

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