5 fail-safe ways to de-escalate an argument with your partner

When you and your significant other find yourselves in a heated argument, it can be difficult to find a way to resolve things without just making them worse.

Knowing how to stop a fight from boiling over can help you two work things out in a calmer and more productive way.

Here are 5 steps you can take to de-escalate a fight with your partner.

1. Listen carefully

People often listen simply in order to respond. We communicate our thoughts and construct our rebuttals while the other person is in the middle of their sentences. We hear buzzwords that we seize upon in order to form our responses.

The proper way to practice active listening is to remove all distractions and look your partner in the eye. Do not assume a motive on their behalf.

2. Touch your partner gently and give them a hug

If you know that your partner is the kind of person who keenly responds to loving touch, then reaching to caress and hug him or her could ease the situation. Some people, however, may even become angrier if they are touched while angry, so if this is your partner, then perhaps this strategy is best to be avoided.

3. Keep in mind, you do not have to prove yourself

We sometimes keep an argument going not because there is a strong reason, but because we feel the urgent need to prove ourselves right. Trying to win an argument at the expense of hurting your loved one is a sacrifice you will surely come to regret.

Regardless of what we tell ourselves, arguments are not about who will win or who will lose. Do not make an argument about your own needs or self-worth, but instead try to arrive at a point where both of you can come out as winners.

4. Try not to raise your voice

The moment you raise your voice your argument becomes irrelevant and the other person takes control. No person wants to be shouted at no matter if you make sense or not.

All yelling does is suggest that you are being overly emotional and irrational.

5. Learn to respectfully disagree and find common ground

Many people aren’t truly interested in whether they win or lose an argument. What they want, rather, is just to be heard. Making your partner know that you understand what they are saying but respectfully disagree can be enough for extinguishing a heated argument.

Finding common ground for a compromise is a vital strategy which will help you work toward the resolution of an argument. “You want fish for dinner, I want steak… So let’s have fish tonight and steak tomorrow!”

We hope this article was helpful to you. If you would like to share your thoughts and opinions on the topic, please do so in the comment section below. 

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