Break ups are never easy. Whether you go through the ‘never leaving my bed’ phase or the ‘drinking myself into a coma to numb the pain’ phase, as cliche as it might sound, time really does heal all.
Here are 7 things that I have learned over the years that really helped me heal and move on after a breakup.
Find your passion:
It is easy to lose yourself in a relationship, we tend to forget about our own personal needs and desires and become more focused on others. I found that after a devastating breakup the thing that really helped me heal and move on most was finding something I was truly passionate about. Neal Donald Walsh wrote “Never deny passion, for that is to deny who you are, and who you truly want to be”
By discovering my true passion, I never felt alone, I felt full of joy and happiness and by having something that I truly loved, it gave me a huge sense of fulfilment that even when I went through another breakup, I never lost who I was again.
Know your worth:
It is so important to know your worth, not just in a relationship but in life too. many people struggle with who they are because they have been through things that have left them feeling defeated, insecure and unhappy. It is easy to focus on the things we don’t like about ourselves rather than pointing out our strengths because we feel like all those other voices are right about us, but they are wrong, and once you accept all the wonderful things about yourself, you will not only learn how to value yourself but how to love yourself unconditionally and that is the key to any relationship, you must first truly love yourself before you can truly love another.
I am more than my past:
In order to move forward in life, we must first let go of anything holding us back. This may seem easier said than done for most people, but in order to really move on, we must accept that our past does not define who we are. Take every experience as a lesson and it will allow you to move forward in your new relationship with a clear mind and the hope that the future is and will be brighter than before.
Never give up:
I find that strength grows in the moments we feel like giving up but never do, it takes great courage to put yourself back out there when you feel you have been knocked back so many times. You may feel like you have encountered endless obstacles and challenges in your relationships but what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger. Even on my darkest days, I find that the joy and happiness that surround me daily definitely outways all of the pain and suffering I have been through and that’s what I hold on to. Sometimes we must take a leap of faith and remember how strong we truly are and never give up on love.
Travelling is not just good for the soul but most definitely good for the heart too. I find two things happen to people who travel, they either find themselves on a magical adventure and fall in love with another or they escape to heal and find that they end up falling in love with themselves. I have personally travelled and experienced both of these situations. When I lost the love of my life, I travelled to Italy and found that being alone was actually exactly what I needed. Being by the ocean really put a lot into perspective for me and I realised just how big the world actually is and how small my relationship was in comparison. I told myself that love was out there somewhere, waiting for me and I knew it would find me, but in the mean time I decided to dedicate my time to healing my heart and feeding my soul with as many experiences as possible so that when I did finally meet that special other, I would have a lot to talk about.
Be around others in love:
There was a period in my life where I couldn’t stand to be around people in love. I would roll my eyes at people holding hands in the street or those couples having picnics in the park so blissfully unaware of the world around them, but then one day I stopped and I realised just how silly it was of me being envious of these strangers. I could see myself heading down a cynical path and that wasn’t who I was. I loved, love! I had always been a hopeless romantic so why was I letting one breakup making me feel like nobody else deserved to be in love either? Once I changed my way of thinking, I instantly felt better, I was full of hope instead of resentment and there is no better feeling than a hopeful heart as I truly believe it leads us to miracles.
Live in the now:
Ida Scott Taylor once wrote “Do not look back and grieve over the past for it has gone, and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.”
If there was ever a piece of advice that was given to me that changed my life it was being told to start living my life in the now. A breakup is never easy for anyone and for me personally what hurt more was losing hope that things would ever get better. I would obsess over not knowing what the future held whilst also obsessing over every little detail of the past and by doing this I was missing out on my life. Don’t let a breakup take away your faith. Try to live each day to the fullest and make every moment count. I promise you when you are so busy loving your life, love will come sweeping in and knock you off your feet when you least expect it.