In order to function properly, relationships require communication and lots of mindful intent. This is, however, not always possible, nor is it easy.
If you want your relationship to stand the test of time, you need to break negative relationship habits that keep you stuck, afraid and lashing out at the only other person that truly matters. The negative habits that stalk our most intimate connections can be disarmed, but it takes serious honesty and it takes a little understanding of the things that make you tick.
Here are 7 unhealthy habits that can take a toxic turn over time:
1. Being overly defensive
You need to stop being overly defensive. If you keep this up, your partner will soon follow suit. Too much defensiveness can quickly escalate a mundane conversation into a fight. Inevitably, you will make mistakes in your relationship, but the key is taking responsibility rather than pointing fingers and making excuses.
Admit that you did not do what you said what you would do, or let them down, disappoint them and slowly destroy your own relationship. If you happened to forget to swing by the shop on your way home, it doesn’t need to become a big drama.
2. Criticizing each other
It’s easy to throw around criticism without understanding the toxic consequences it can have. But catching those hurtful words before they are said can surely help. Instead, try talking to each other about what is happening when you have a moment in private to express your grievances.
If it seems necessary, try to offer each other constructive criticism, and try finding ways to talk about what makes you feel annoyed, so that both of you can arrive on the same page.
3. Stop expecting them to read your thoughts
You know that couple that claims they can finish off each other’s sentences, they’re just always so in sync (or maybe that’s a movie couple). In reality, you cannot expect that your significant other will always know what you need or what you’re thinking if you don’t talk about these things.
If you don’t talk about your wants and needs, not only will your partner not necessarily understand what it is that you want, but you take away an opportunity for them to give it to you. Being in a relationship means being on the same team, but they cannot help if you do not let them.
4. Spending all of your free time together
While you’ll surely want to have tons of quality time together as a couple, spending too much of it side by side can have a strongly negative impact on your relationship. And if you’re not careful, this could even result in a toxic situation. You both need some alone time every now and then for your thoughts to decompress.
To strike a good balance, make it a priority to let each other know when you need some space. Honor each other’s alone time and you’ll be able to enjoy each other’s company even more.
5. Never fighting
While it may seem like a good idea in some cases, entirely avoiding fighting due to its inconvenience only leads to repressed bitterness and resentment down the road. You cannot fix a problem if you don’t know of its existence, so fighting can be key when practiced appropriately.
When we bring up issues with our partners, we effectively demonstrate our trust in them, as well as a willingness to show vulnerability, which can only enhance the connection. Assertiveness can be a strong indicator of relationship satisfaction, so in order to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level, we need to learn to openly disagree.
6. Aggressive jealousy
Getting overly upset when your partner glances at, talks to, or hangs out with people of the opposite sex is highly unhealthy. It’s also demeaning and it creates unneeded drama, while at the same time communicating millions of insecurities, in addition to a lack of trust.
7. Always paying the bill
At some point or another, we all run into hard times, but if you’re always paying the bill – some serious issues are in need of addressing. Helping your partner is one thing, carrying them through life like a child is another. If you’re lending all of your earnings, there are some bad habits going on in your relationship.
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