Toxic double standards: How they are destroying your relationship

In the middle of a conflict, most people tend to apply double standards in order to win the argument.

This happens often in romantic relationships. In fact, this might even ruin the bond between two people in love, just because one of them was too proud to admit they were wrong.

Partners who intentionally use double standards are doing it with the sole reason to manipulate the others.

They do it when they feel they’re losing the argument, and they need something to bring out, so they can dominate the dispute. This is a defensive mechanism most people use to move the focus from the main reason for the fight in their favor. That way, the other partner is losing sight of what the argument was about in the first place.

On the other hand, some people don’t even realize they are applying double standards in their relationships. It happens automatically, especially when they feel they’re losing the fight. This lack of awareness can be the detriment for the fall of their relationship.

Below are listed 4 times romantic partners might implement double standards into their relationships.

1. When they don’t realize they’re doing it.

Oftentimes, when partners are fighting over something, they’re not aware they use double standards to win the dispute. Something that’s okay for one of the partners to be doing, is completely unacceptable for the other one. For example, one of the partners might get upset because the other one is going out with friends, but when they are going out it’s not a big deal.

2. When they expose each other’s vulnerabilities.

In times of conflict, there is an extremely high risk of being exposed. In such moments, some people tend to use double standards to defend themselves and cover their vulnerability. Unfortunately, things can get pretty nasty, especially when the partners are in a long-term relationship, and they know too much about one another.

3. When they feel the need for payback.

Sometimes, when the bond between two people has been weakened, one or both of them might experience angry retribution. That’s when they feel it’s necessary to apply double standards, so they can bring “justice” into their relationship. However, they often do exactly the opposite.

4. When they are being intentionally mean.

When one of the partners is employing double standards on the regular, they might be doing it completely intentionally. They might use double standards to rule out any reasonable argument and to easily distract the other one in the conversation. The balance in these relationships is usually in favor of only one of the partners. What’s more, the dominant ones are often narcissistic by nature, which adds up to the damage they cause to their relationship.

But why would someone stay in suchlike relationship?

There are many reasons why these couples stay together. Maybe the overall relationship works for them, or they feel they wouldn’t meet anyone better. Perhaps they are too co-dependent, and they can’t imagine a life without each other in it. Whatever it is, being a part of a relationship where it’s all about who’s going to win the dispute is undoubtedly mentally damaging.

The truth is, absolute equality in a relationship is extremely difficult to achieve. However, when there is respect, love, authenticity, and empathy between partners, it’s rather possible. The ones who can leave double standards behind, and put effort into being more honest with each other highly increase the amount of mutual trust and integrity in their relationships.

Double standards should never be applied when it comes to love. 

Both partners need to take equal efforts into building and taking care of their relationship if they genuinely want it to be healthy and wholesome.

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