Toxic beliefs we learn from our mothers: What it’s like to be a woman today

Why is it that so many women continue to limit themselves and believe that their purpose in this world is only to create life?

When will we come to the realization that we can do and become so much more? 

Sadly, there are far too many accomplished, successful, loved women who are still questioning their worth. They struggle with keeping up with society’s standards, even though they are doing the best they can. You can be well-educated, professionally refined, ambitious, determined, beyond intelligent, and you can still have trouble believing in yourself. You can still be convinced that your only mission in life is to create and raise children, and nothing else, not even your most admirable achievement, matters as much.

Far too many women are turning their backs on their dreams and sacrifice their happiness, only to please society’s perception. They provide selfless care, unconditional love, and unlimited support to their families. They give away every single bit of their time and energy to make sure that others are okay. But they forget one essential thing – that they are only human, and they too need to be nurtured and cared for.

What does it really mean to be a woman and a mother in today’s world?

Women are destined to create. Not just life, but also ideas, dreams, art, magic, and so much more fascinating things. But even in the 21st century, the digital era, holding countless possibilities for anyone to unlock their potential and find their true power, women are still burdened by the thought that their only purpose is to become mothers. And when they do, they must do everything in their power to assure that their children and their families are living the best life possible.

But what happened to the little girl who once dreamt of becoming a president? What happened to the teenager who wanted to travel the world and get to know various cultures? What happened to the young woman who was determined to become a professional in her field? Where did all of her plans go? Did they all disappear the moment she decided she should marry, have children, and become the housewife everyone expects her to be?

What’s even more distressing is that women today need to be more. You should be able to take care of your children, do various chores at home, work at least 8 hours a day, go to the gym, have a healthy lifestyle, maintain a social life, have time for your partner, have time for yourself, and all of this should fit in the 24 hours we all have. And if you cannot handle it, you are literally condemned by everyone else. This inevitably makes you doubt your self-worth. It breaks you down.

Why do some women sacrifice their happiness for the sake of society’s ideals? 

Living with the thought that you are not enough is detrimental. It often leads to developing mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. And when you are dealing with such overwhelming emotions, you just cannot be at your best self. You can’t be the best mother, the best coworker, the best friend, the best wife.

But this is not an issue that affects only the women of this century. It has been problematic ever since the dawn of days. So, why are we still struggling to accept ourselves and be content with our lives? Why haven’t our mothers told us that being a woman is so damn difficult?

According to writer Galina Singer, it’s due to many centuries of toxic programming. She claims:

“The love we’ve received and the love we’ve learned to give is conditional. When we do not know what it means to love, nurture, and be in compassion to ourselves, we will not know how to accept differences in our own children, and we certainly won’t tolerate the diversity in our families, our neighbors, people from far-flung countries.”

While women get caught in their roles of mothers and carers, they forget what it’s like to think independently.

In a bid to achieve perfection, many women get distracted and forget to take care of themselves. While chasing society’s approval, they forget to chase their dreams. While investing time into looking after their families, they forget to save some for looking after themselves. Eventually, they lose the ability to think independently. And one day, they wake up thinking they have lost the best years of their lives.

But what if you could have it all? What if you could be an amazing mother, a dear friend, a loving wife, and a successful boss lady all at once?

Believe it or not, it all comes down to your own mindset. You have been raised with the stories, traditions, and beliefs of your parents, but you have the choice of whether to follow them no questions asked or to learn from them.

You have the freedom to challenge the tradition and start leading a life that brings you peace and gratification. And once you realize it is up to you whether you are going to live by society’s rules or follow your own passions and ambitions, you will feel liberated. Be the woman, the mother, and the professional that would inspire your younger self, not bring her down. She deserves it.

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