Having sexual desires comes as part of being human. Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between desire and addiction.
There isn’t much information on how to draw the line between healthy and hyper sexual. At what point does it become a sex addiction? When is it just a healthy sexual human drive?
SEX IS CAUSING YOU RELATIONSHIP TROUBLES
Addiction is addiction. Some people you know may be addicted to alcohol, others – their preference is pills. Pick your poison. A sure sign that sex is becoming your poison is when it starts to interfere with the integrity of your relationships. What makes sex addiction and its pain so crushing in a relationship is that it usually involves hurting your partner. When you are sex addicted, the urge for sex overcomes your entire psyche, which is left screaming for more and more. You may find yourself crossing the line of being faithful in relationships. You may find yourself creeping into the bed of another to find your short lived solace. The main thing that is so hurtful about this is versus other addictions is it is considered infidelity. If you find yourself sleeping with others despite your personal set of values, you are probably headed for trouble.
YOU JUSTIFY YOUR SEXUAL ACTIONS WITH CELEBRITY TRENDS
Many a celebrity has been caught blaming sex addiction on their marital infidelities. Many celebrities have checked themselves into rehab facilities for sex as well as drug and alcohol addiction. You’ll find many celebrity sex addicts with Lindsay Lohan, Russell Brand, and Tiger Woods among the top “offenders.” Even though they tout sex as the culprit, it does not substitute as a valid excuse to not face your own problem with sex addiction.
ATTACHMENT DISORDERS – AND BEING TOO CLINGY
Many sex addicts can trace back their problem to the need for love. That’s right, love. At some point in some sex addict’s lives, they may have not gotten the love they craved. Instead of working on growing spiritually and in their relationships, sex may have filled the hole (literally). Sami Wurst, a counselor suggests, “Many sex addicts crave true human connection, yet they turn to sex to cover up that need. And it works, at least for a moment.”
THERE ISN’T A MAGIC ANSWER
In alcoholism, there isn’t a certain number of drinks it takes per day, week, or month to spot out an alcoholic. The same goes for sexual addiction. It’s more about how sex is being used to fill a void or change the way you feel. As psychologist and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach stated in one of her dharma talks, “The problem is that one drink makes you another person, and then the other person wants a drink.” The same logic could be readily applied to sex addiction. One sexual rendezvous makes one feel like a new person, but then that new person wants another. You never feel satisfied.
SIMILARITIES BETWEEN DRUG ADDICTION AND SEXUAL ADDICTION
Science has proven a link between the brain of a drug addict and the brain of a sex addict. There really isn’t much difference, as the same feel good chemicals are released during sexual addictive behaviors and other addictive behaviors. The brain of a sex addict is obsessed with their next sexual “fix”. The brain of a drug addict is fixated on their next hit of their drug of choice.
If there seems to be a problem with sex, don’t be ashamed. Beating yourself up is never a factor for positive growth. A licensed psychotherapist, psychiatrist, a close friend or a spiritual community can be a good place to start. You have to start somewhere, and that is always right where you are.