Having a big, sometimes too chatty personality poses a difficulty when it comes to small talk.
But what do you mean, isn’t it easier for people of this type to socially mingle with others? Yes and no.
Yes, because, okay, you have an outgoing personality. No, because when you have to engage in small talk…you have to tone it down quite a bit. Hence, it feels very odd to be careful with what you’re saying while simultaneously trying to actively participate in this socially acceptable way to interact with new people.
Therefore, here are the four things that really grinds the gears of people who ‘hate’ small talk.
1. You water down your personality.
Firstly, small talk is very limiting due to the fact that you don’t really get to know anything of substance about the person in front of you. The weather, your favorite type of music, where you work…yikes. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is not a crime to know these things. However, when that is the only information you have, you can’t really be yourself because you and the other person are struggling to keep the conversation alive.
And secondly, you are not acting naturally. Okay, one might argue that that’s just how new relationships start, however, you do have to admit that it’s draining sometimes. You are limiting your character to a set of very fundamental, basic questions and feel obligated to engage although you’d much rather talk about something a bit more intriguing.
2. You feel trapped in an endless spiral.
If you think about it, small talk is actually kind of a horrific experience. It always happens at some very awkward situation in which the only thing you want to do is run fast for your life. Jokes aside and all, but it is still true to an extent.
Small talk most often occurs when we don’t know the person too well. Thus, we struggle with two basic types of situations: we either want to be perceived as nice and well-mannered by a stranger, or we are panicking our minds off trying to figure out what to say next to the person we went on a date with, for example.
It’s not the most dangerous and unpleasant situation in the world, but it does make you feel all kinds of uncomfortable. Hence, some of us try very hard to avoid it. Well, we try with no success, as it seems small talk really is a part of life we all have to deal with on a daily basis. Sigh.
3. Small talk feels very unnatural.
Small talk is generally very awkward, to begin with. As already mentioned, it tends to happen when we are in a new atmosphere and are obligated to talk to a stranger.
So, what can you expect?
Yes, tons and tons of awkwardness. Rarely do we experience a genuine interaction, hence the whole communication tends to feel very forced and unnatural. What small talk really consists of is the following: you ramble on about general things whilst getting nowhere interesting with the conversation. Hence, you tend you feel a bit under pressure to say the ‘right’ thing and it goes south pretty quick…
4. You feel pressure to make a stranger feel comfortable.
In all fairness, this displays the essence of the matter: you are stuck there trying your hardest to make a complete stranger or at least a distant acquaintance feel comfortable. It is really curious how we bring it upon ourselves to entertain somebody only because we feel the pressure to.
Well, we do it for ourselves as well in a way, as we want to relieve our social anxiety of ‘not knowing how to behave in front of this new person‘. Really, when you put it in perspective, small talk is a ‘necessary evil’. Well, not ‘evil’, maybe more of an ‘inconvenience’, at least for those of us who don’t enjoy it that much. However, I do understand the notion that it is a socially accepted way to be pleasant and friendly to other people.
So, to this, I say: to each their own.
In conclusion, small talk is definitely a pain for those who just can’t fathom the idea of engaging in pointless conversations just for the purpose of filling an empty void of verbal space. Although most people dislike it, many do participate in this ‘superficial’ social interaction. At the end of the day, it is a friendly way to be polite and engaging with others, I guess…
