Whether you get it on or not, going to bed as a couple is a powerful way to increase the connection in your relationship.
At the end of a tough day, couples can truly unwind when going to bed. They can talk, touch, and be deeply intimate.
In a recent study, 289 American adults in married or cohabiting relationships were asked how they normally spend their nighttime routines with their significant others. The participants were also asked what they would ideally want to do with their other halves during the hours before bedtime. Sadly, mismatches were common. Many of them expressed frustrations with their partner, saying that their partner often goes to bed without them, spent time alone on their digital devices or watching TV, or never wanted any physical or emotional intimacy. Many of those who took part mentioned they were dissatisfied with their typical nighttime routines to the point of feeling miserable.
And while mismatches between usual and ideal routines did not predict true satisfaction, usually, when a mismatch occurred in physical intimacy, it led to lower bedtime satisfaction. Those who were less satisfied at bedtime were less satisfied sexually, in their relationship, and in life as a whole.
Here are some joint activities that predicted satisfaction:
- Watching TV/a movie together
- Deep conversations before bedtime
- Simply going to bed together
Even though couples who do things separately (especially with technology) prior to bedtime have lower satisfaction, this does not seem to be a significant predictor of bedtime satisfaction. And, as it turned out, doing something tech-related with a significant other is actually a good thing. This might be the reason why “Netflix and Chill” has become such a popular phrase. Whether you end up having amazing sex or just watch a cool movie while hugging, it’s a win-win! Maybe, then, the formula for a fulfilling relationship does start in the bedroom. Coming up with the most suitable bedtime routine is not going to be easy as one partner might want more sex, while the other might want to have more talk or movie time.
Due to the uniqueness of each person’s dynamics, the best place to start would be a good conversation with your partner.
It could start with a question like, “What would your ideal nighttime routine look like?” Couples can build from there and come to a balanced decision that would work for both partners.
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