Thank You For Breaking Me, Because Now I Am Whole
You broke me but now, I am whole.
Thank you for breaking me so that I was able to see the gold beneath my skin.
There is a practice in Japan where they mend broken pottery with Gold in order to make the places it broke stronger and more beautiful than ever before, its called Kintsugi.
It was from the pieces which you had left me in, that I was able to see my self worth and exactly what I deserved. I deserve nothing but the best, and from that, I was able to put myself back together with the gold within my heart and thus, have become who I am today.
You knew how I loved from the beginning.
You knew the whole time and still, you chose to forget. My love is so whole and so full, I find myself warning people so that they may understand the vastness of the ocean that is within me.
This is for the person who finally broke me.
I do not hate you, I have no understanding of the word hate. I do not loath you for I have no understanding of the meaning either. Instead, I thank you and I appreciate you.
It was in the times of darkness that you created for me, that I realized there was a sun within my chest. The times where you would leave me cold on the floor that I realized that there was a fire burning within.
There were times where you could not love yourself so you chose to lash out in pain.
You chose to belittle me for your own gain, and it was in those times my dear, where I was able to see pain within you and still I chose to love you.
But still you broke me. Your words, like arrows pierced my soul and left me bleeding. It was your brokenness that left me feeling worthless but still would wipe the tears from my eyes and give it one more go.
I gave you all my love, all the love I could possibly give, and in that time I forgot to love myself. Loving a broken person had left me shattered. I lay on the floor with tears in my eyes only to find that you were not there to comfort me like I had comforted you. In times of rejection and loneliness one realizes that the only person there is themselves.
But now I thank you, for it was then, when all of myself lay in pieces on the floor, that I was able to see the gold beneath my skin, the gold that I had mended you with, and it was then that I realized that my love was bountiful.
I now see that I am the only true love I will ever need and for that I thank you. You made me realize that even in darkness flowers can bloom.
I like to think we were destined to be together until the end of time, but one cannot breathe in toxicity and expect to live forever. You could not look within to find the love you really needed so you sought it in me, and with that you almost took everything I had.
You left me questioning myself, my boundaries, my morals, my worth, my love. All of which I had a solid answer for before I met you.
You were the sun I needed in order to grow, but you chose to allow your lack of self love to eclipse our love, and after being in the dark for so long I realized that I was done.
I was done with the countless sleepless nights trying to figure out where I had gone wrong. Done with all the questions like, Was I too much? Does he really love me? Why am I still here?. The thing is, you were too scared of being loved by someone who knew how to love with every fiber in their being. Someone who knew that love is endless and there will always be enough love, for we are all made of it.
I wish you could see me now, I wish you could see the garden which I have grown in place of your distant love. Its in full bloom. I am no longer the broken, shattered and weak woman you used to see me as, instead, I am a garden filled with the most beautiful flowers, all of which I grew myself.
After looking within and seeing the power I had cultivated just by loving myself, I am able to say to you now, I wish you all the best, I appreciate you and from a distance, I will still love you.