Strict parents – no kid wants them, but there they are, reminding you that they’re not “made of money” whenever you order a soda. They mean well, but if you had them you probably became either a tightly wound professional or a drug addict. You also have some memories that your friends with normal parents just can’t relate to.
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Here they are:
1. Manners were very important.
You know several rhymes with which to explain good manners and correct bad ones. In adulthood you have to hold back from telling your date to get her elbows off the table, because this is not, in fact, a horse’s stable.
2. You could go out on Friday night or Saturday night, but not both; never, ever both.
Thursday night plans? Ha! Dream on, my wild friends.
3. You had the same sensible first name as about a third of your classmates.
Your parents would nod with approval when you brought home friends with names like Megan or John. They were immediately suspicious of Maddox and Poppy. As far as they were concerned, Feather and Scout were basically feral.
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4. You changed the channel to HGTV whenever your parents walked in the room.
You never know what might go down on TBS. Ross and Rachel might kiss or something.
5. You were allowed one piercing in each ear – if you were a girl – once you were thirteen.
Additional piercings were absolutely out of the question. So was dyeing your hair, even a conventional color, even if it was temporary. When your friend got a tattoo, you assumed he was literally trying to kill his parents.
6. You never had “The Talk.”
Your parents left a book on your bed explaining puberty, and turned bright red whenever they saw you for weeks afterward. You both did.
7. Your teenage rebellion involved snacking between meals or drinking coffee when your parents weren’t looking.
8. You practiced asking your parents to make plans in front of the mirror, and sometimes with the help of a sibling.
This process included a lengthy Q&A session. You put more work into getting the ok for a movie date than most people do into defending their graduate school thesis.
9. A change in plans was panic inducing.
You now had to repeat the whole process, and your parents would be twice as suspicious this time around. They knew that Poppy was trouble. You’re probably both on drugs. So are her parents.
10. You checked over a joke or story for racy content about ten times before repeating it to your parents.
They were still shocked and offended and you were still sent to your room.
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11. You monitored your parents’ moods like a diabetic monitors their blood pressure.
12. That time you wore a mini skirt, your mother acted as if you’d announced you were worshipping Satan now.
Your father cried. Make-up and high heels were entirely out of the question.
13. Every time a friend cursed, you instinctively panicked and checked for nearby adults.
14. Your parents were always there to “support” you at school dances, field trips, or parties.
Even if your school did NOT ask for chaperones, you could still count on your parents being there to “cheer you on”.
15. You always had to leave the party first.
You knew exactly how long it took you to get home from any location, and certainly knew better than to break curfew. Even ten minutes before was cutting it far, far too close, you wild woman.
16.You became a skillful liar.
17. Making plans for later that same night? Ha!
Have fun at your church youth group without me, Holden. My mom thinks you’re on drugs.
Your strict parents undoubtedly had your best interests at heart. After all, nobody wants their teenager smoking “the reefer” and hanging out with kids like Bodhi and Zephyr. As you grow older, you might start to understand them more. A time might even come when you catch yourself rhyming manners at your own eye-rolling teenager. Good luck with that.