How To Stop Identifying with your Narcissistic Family
The maxim generally goes, “raised by a narcissist, will turn out to be a narcissist too”. While it’s certainly true that some families carry the narcissistic framework like it’s a badge of honor, here’s the thing: you don’t have to be that way. Nobody requires it of you. You can be the one to break the mold in your family and be the first non-narcissist for generations to come. Your bloodline may inspire many more, too, to cut away the shackles of narcissism and choose, for themselves, to be different.
All you have to do is cut all ties with all of your narcissistic family members, as well as any other toxic family members who may treat you poorly because of your decision to cut those ties.
Of course not. What is required of you to escape the sticky web of narcissism your family is trying to spin you into, like a spider with their prey, is nothing less than horribly complicated. One blogger who grew up within a narcissistic family and chose to cut all ties with them likens it to a divorce. And you truly must cut all ties and establish a strict no-contact policies. In America, we generally grow up with extremely strong family ties, and the notion of doing such a thing is repugnant. I personally cannot imagine cutting ties with my mother, my sister, either parents’ side of the family. But I grew up in a family of poor Irish laborers, not narcissists in any way. We have our own issues, but narcissism isn’t one of them.
What happens when you cut ties with your narcissistic family, though? Let’s take a look, based on these things which often happen to children in narcissistic families, as outlined here:
1. You don’t have to be a doormat anymore.
You can claim your right to being your own person and hold your head high. You can allow your self-esteem and self-confidence to blossom, as it rightly should. You can stop letting people take advantage of you.
2. You can stop feeling resentful of or in competition with your sibling.
When you start to realize that being yourself is enough, and that you don’t have anyone to showboat for anymore, anyway, you can just be you and enjoy that. If your sibling isn’t someone you had to cut off, you can explain this to them as well, and let them just be themselves, too.
3. You’re freed from feeling like your parents’ partner more than their child.
One of the problems with narcissism is that it doesn’t always show outwardly; one of the displays of narcissism that parents often place upon their children is miscasting them in roles not meant for them, such as their partner or significant others. Once you cut all ties, you don’t have to feel that way with your parents ever again.
4. You’ll no longer base your self-worth on your achievements.
Rather, you’ll be able to embrace the understanding that you are enough entirely on your own, without needing your achievements to define you. You may, of course, by all means continue to achieve! It just doesn’t have to be who you are.
5. You will regain a sense of your own self, and your wants, needs and goals.
These absolutely essential things get lost easily in the chaos and destruction of being raised in a narcissistic family. Ergo, when you cut ties with them, you have some things you get to figure out now: who are you? What do you want? How do you satisfy your needs? What kind of goals do you want to pursue? These answers can often take awhile to sort out, but don’t worry: now that you’re no longer connected with your narcissistic family, you have plenty of time.