10 signs your “friend” isn’t really your friend at all

In our lives, we have a lot of friends come and go. We all want to find the one friend group that will stick with us for life, but friends aren’t always what they seem.

There are definitely some signs that your friend isn’t really a friend at all that you should look out for. Here are 10 signs your “friend” isn’t your friend at all.

1. They stand you up.

Friends flake on each other once in a while. It’s pretty standard procedure. But it’s a different story all together if they’re a no-call no-show to things happening in your life. These are people who say they’ll come over for game night or make it to your birthday and then just don’t show without saying anything. There are a lot of reasons for this kind of behavior, and the most common one is that they’re really just not a real friend to you.

2. They seem to compete with you.

Friendly competitions are just that – friendly! It’s fun to play competitive games and sports with our pals. But good friends don’t compete with each others’ lives. Competing over things like jobs, attention, and even prospective dating partners is not a sign of someone who’s a good friend.

3. You always call them first.

I think at some time or another, we’ve all found ourselves in a position where we are always the first to reach out to our friends. Sometimes your friends just take it for granted. Friday rolls around and they expect to hear from you. But see what happens if you choose not to. Do they reach out to you? Chances are, the people who are truly your friends will send a text your way. Those who aren’t? Probably won’t be hearing from them.

4. …Unless they need something.

Sometimes a person who isn’t really your friend rings you all the time. It may seem nice until you start thinking about the topic of conversation when they do ring. It all seems to boil down to them needing something. They need a ride, they need help moving, they need a little money. It feels good to help your friends, but people like this never offer help in return, even when you need it.

5. Conversations feel lopsided.

This one can be tough to put your finger on. It’s often more of a hunch, a gut feeling, than a concrete thing. But your conversations with them just seem so lopsided. Somehow it always ends up coming back to them talking about themselves or elevating their own opinions above yours. This isn’t the sign of a great friend.

6. They put you down in front of people.

I think we’ve probably all experienced someone like this before – they’re way nicer to you when it’s just the two of you, but in front of other people, they get a little bit edgier. They put you down, make fun of you in ways you know you’re sensitive to, and the daggers just come out. These kinds of friends aren’t really your friends at all. Friends treat you with respect and don’t alter their behavior based on whether or not you’re alone or with other people.

7. They talk behind your back.

It’s a painful experience to find out that someone has been saying mean things about you when you aren’t around to defend yourself. It’s even worse when you find out it’s someone you thought was a good friend. This point needs little explanation. Cut them loose.

8. They talk about other people behind their backs too.

If you’ve got a friend gossiping about and saying mean things about other people behind their backs, stop and ask yourself: how likely is it that they’re doing this to me too? Yeah, I think we both know the answer. Cut them loose. They’re not a real friend.

9. They exclude you.

This one has the capacity to hurt more than some of the others on this list. These kinds of friends exclude you from activities, making the claim that you wouldn’t want to do it anyway, or even just not justifying it at all. Friends who exclude you from group activities with mutual friends is especially hurtful. These people aren’t your real friends.

10. They pressure you.

People pressure each other to do things all the time. It’s a pretty natural part of human interactions. We want people to do the stuff we do so we can bond over it. But there’s a little peer pressure and there’s excessive pressure. You’ll know it when it happens to you. No one should be hectoring you every time they see you about doing something you don’t want to do.

It can be tough, when you’ve made the determination that your “friend” isn’t really a friend, to let them go. But you’ll be better for it.

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