5 Telling signs that you have a victim mentality and how to move beyond it

We have all played the victim at some point to a lesser or greater extent.

How many of us have put the blame on our siblings for breaking a house appliance? Surely most of us. How many have shifted the blame to our colleague for messing something up at work?

However, playing the victim is like eating spoiled food – it will just make you feel sick in the end.

People who play the victims tend to cause friends, family and co-workers to distance themselves from them.

Here are 5 signs that someone is playing the victim and what they can do to get rid of this toxic mindset:

1. Not taking responsibility

This is a common sign of a victim mentality. A ‘victim’ has an issue accepting their contribution to the problem and taking responsibility for the situation they’re in. Instead, they blame another person and deny any wrongdoing of their own. They are not plainly saying “I’m the victim here,” but rather trying to convey that they are a martyr.

But how can one escape this? Every event and situation in their life gives the victim a chance to evolve and change. Maybe they are not responsible for what has happened, but they can always ask if they’ve played any role in it. This kind of self-examination gives the person a chance to take responsibility and show maturity. In addition, it will help them avoid similar situations to come.

2. Projecting fears and insecurities onto others

This means that because you don’t like some aspects of your personality, you presume that others also don’t like them. Or because you don’t have a positive outlook on life, you think that others see things the same way and you read their actions as if they are judging you, trying to cause you pain, dislike you and so on. Or you are afraid of something, for example being vulnerable. And when a person ignites this fear, you explode and hurt them in some way.

Causing other people pain because we are in pain ourselves is the wrong approach. You must stop projecting your fears and insecurities onto other people and become conscious of your own emotional pains. You must work toward resolving them without causing pain to other people in the process.

3. Holding on to grudges

The victim tends to carry around old grievances in order to use them as weapons in case anyone tries to hold them accountable for something they may have done. The victim will resort to bringing up memories in which they were hurt, but they will use them as reasons why they cannot handle a particular situation.

What the victim must do in such cases is to let go of all the grudges. They must see that holding grudges is only holding them back instead of helping their situation in any way. They must recognize that letting grievances go will actually give them the power and self-control they need to lead a more stress-free life.

4. You are unhappy but full of reasons why you can’t change things

You feel a pressing sense of powerlessness for how you can make your life better. You spend time telling others how much you’re struggling and how bad things are going for you. But when people try to give you advice on how to improve your situation you refuse to change your ways to achieve what you want.

This is, however, what you must do to escape your misery. You need to understand that there is a price you must pay to get a better job, a good partner and so on. The solution lies in you.

5. You indulge in self-pity

Victims have a habit of feeling sorry for themselves.

In their mind, victims see themselves as helpless children who cannot fend for themselves. Since others do not normally show them sympathy, they turn to give it to themselves, only to then look incredibly immature in the eyes of other people. And this traps them into the victim role even more.

Understand that people go through bad times – even the most fortunate of us. You need to avoid thinking that your suffering is somehow more important. Everyone goes through tough times, but only the ones who manage to get up march on despite all the odds get to lead happier lives in the end.

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