Being judgemental is often seen as synonymous with being too full of oneself, in combination with an over the top, inflated sense of self-confidence.
“Get off your high horse!“, people like to say to such behavior.
However, judgementalism is in fact a defense mechanism to protect a most probably very fragile ego.
It can easily be concluded that we as people desire societal approval, especially that of our closest friends and family. However, that is not always what we receive I am afraid. In our constant pursuit of recognition and praise, we can many times fall into a spiral of disapproval and possibly even neglect.
Consequently, this circumstance could lead to us feeling hateful, spiteful, isolated, or even anxious at points. All due to the fact that we try so hard to hide our insecurities and flaws, that we tend to forget that we are not perfect. And we really can not and do not have to be. Read that again.
Moreover, we do not need everybody’s acknowledgment. Quite honestly we desperately need to put the focus more on our inner selves rather than anything else. It is a pivotal point for self-growth, setting you on the road to happiness and fulfillment.
Signs of being a judgemental person
In addition, if you are interested to know if you are too judgemental of a person, here is a list of signs you should consider.
- You jump to conclusions at the speed of light.
- Hence, you most often assume people are lying to you without concrete evidence.
- You have zero tolerance for people different from you- especially in terms of world views and values.
- You are doubtful of many if not all people around you.
- You believe people will hurt you sooner or later in your life, showing high levels of distrust.
- You crave constant, perfect consistency to the point of obsessiveness.
- You have built and possess a ‘moral rating system‘ working in your favor, however.
- You like to make moral evaluations and divide people into ‘good‘ and ‘bad‘.
- Therefore, you think in black and white terms.
- You justify your critiques as the TRUTH.
- You show a great amount of pessimism in regards to specific situations and in general.
- You are extremely self-critical of yourself to the point of perfectionism.
- You put focus on specific flaws of others, especially the ones you dislike to most.
- You often tend to give advice to others to change or ‘correct’ something about themselves.
- You have low self-worth deep down.
- You have social anxiety.
- You do not tolerate mistakes and are unlikely to show forgiveness.
- You think you know everything about people in general.
What can you do about this negative, unhealthy pattern?
The first step on the road to self-discovery and bettering oneself is acknowledging you have a problem. Therefore, that is the hardest part already done if you have honestly put some thought into your behavior. The next steps include a lot of work on your inner self-worth, confidence and truthful appreciation of your positive characteristics.
Step 1: Mindfully explore yourself and your views
Practicing mindfulness on a daily basis can help with sorting out our negative thoughts. Allowing for a breath of fresh air, as well as a more detached, objective view on oneself is a critical and liberating point to a healthy self-discovery. As mentioned above, a negative self-image is most probably the reason behind your need to project that same harshness onto other people.
Step 2: Accept your imperfect nature
Whether it sounds like a cliche or not, it is true. Nobody is perfect, genuinely. So, be it your more superficial or deep-rooted flaws or issues, you must accept them as they are. Of course, nothing is more admirable than the strive for bettering oneself in a healthy manner. In contrast, putting yourself down and dissecting everything about yourself is a sure way to keep that anxiety going. Therefore, make the conscious attempt to positively change the way you perceive yourself. Your behavior towards other people will naturally follow suit.
Step 3: Avoid jumping to conclusions as much as you can
Leaving as much space for rationality and patience is the key to prospering in your personal or even professional relationships. So, take your hand off your gun. You would be surprised that not all people are out to get you. However, if you do have suspicions about someone’s intentions you are more than welcome to be mindful of that. No one really has the belief that you should be naive and put your deepest trust in everyone around. Nevertheless, you should work towards getting better at giving the people who deserve it a chance.
Step 4: Possess a healthy criticism
As a master of criticizing, you should redirect that capability in a more positive light. Namely, being able to rationally and objectively critique your own negative behavioral patterns. Having this capability would be more than helpful towards removing the roots of the problem regarding your ‘judgmental’ character. A healthy self-awareness will be a definite game-changer for you. So, make the effort to change from negative to constructive criticism and see what comes up from there. It is easier said than done, but you will be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.
In conclusion, what you can take from this is the following: an outer harshness most likely signifies for inner issues and insecurities. In order to live a productive and healthy life, consider looking deeper into yourself and possibly make the effort to change and grow as a person.