As you look back at certain past relationships, you cannot help but feel dejected. For one or the other reason, they all came to an end, and not always on a good note.
You are attempting to understand why relationships fail in order to break the negative pattern.
You might be hard on yourself, thinking of all the things you may have done to cause the breakdown of your relationship. But you don’t need to be hard on yourself. Look at it like this: you are looking for a needle in a haystack. By proxy, every relationship except one is doomed to fail!
And yet, understanding some of the common reasons why relationships break apart can help you to stay on alert for red flags as well as do what you can to make things work out the right way.
Here are the top reasons why relationships fall apart:
1. You are not listening
The key to communication is to listen to each other’s thoughts and concerns without being opinionated. Sometimes your partner simply wants you to listen to what they are saying, without needing to hear your own take on the matters at hand. Listening demands patience, as you may not necessarily agree with the viewpoints of your significant other at all times. You need to understand that for some people, venting is a way to set their emotions to the side in order to make way for sound reason and come up with a good decision. The ability to listen is a tool that allows you to maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
2. Lack of trust
Trust is crucial for solidifying your relationship. Whenever trust is lowered, the union is sure to eventually break apart. No matter the situation, you have to trust your partner – even if you hear something odd about them. If such is the case, trace the rumor – it may just be the work of a person trying to destroy what you two have. The trust in your partner needs to be firm. If you are full of doubt, your relationship is already doomed.
A major factor that contributes to the downfall of any relationship is a partner’s lack of loyalty. Many relationships are sooner or later faced with cases of infidelity, but not many come out of it stronger. It isn’t possible for you or anyone to trust an unfaithful partner. The lack of loyalty from one side that has existed from the beginning of the relationship can also often result in the infidelity of the other. It isn’t hard for your partner to search for comfort in the arms of another if you have failed to play your own part in the mutual loyalty of the relationship.
4. You are not supportive of each other’s own goals
Whether it is dream jobs, fashion preferences, or even places to live in, like most people, you are unlikely to agree with all of your partner’s life choices (unless you don’t have a personality of course). But since you two are a pair, you may find it helpful to adjust your thinking and start supporting each other’s own goals.
Being supportive means you are providing your partner with the maximum amount of tolerance for their decisions so they can achieve the goals which will make them happy. And since your partner is a living being too, you cannot always have it your way. You may not realize it now, but in the long run, his or her happiness will benefit you too.
5. A routine becomes permanent
All couple who have been together for a period longer than two years inevitably ends up with some kind of a routine. At the start of your relationship, things were new and exciting – and you wanted to spend every moment together, but as you settled down, you found yourselves trapped inside a routine. Instead of talking about your dreams and hopes for the future, you have begun talking about how high the bills have gotten. Rather than going out for romantic dates followed by more romance in your bedroom, you go to the store for lightbulbs.
Routines are a normal part of every relationship, but they should not be allowed to become permanent. If you wish for your relationship to remain strong, you need to mix things up and free yourselves from the constraints of your routine.
Get out more often, get a sitter, and talk about more than just the bills.
6. Frequent complaints and hurtful words
The failure of many relationships often begins with frequent complaints and hurtful words. And it is highly important that we mind our spoken word in any kind of relationship – not just the romantic. There are of course times when words are exchanged for amusement and fun, but do not look down on your significant other by judging their imperfections. In addition, you should refrain from using harsh words with him or her. These are two ugly tools that can easily lead to the destruction of your relationship.
A relationship equipped with honesty, understanding, and mutual respect will never use these tools, and in turn, will not risk sinking its own ship.
7. You outgrow one another
This one is no one’s fault, in time you can simply outgrow one another.
Recent studies have shown that adolescence, which before was considered to last till about 19 years of age, in fact, goes on until 24. What this means is that if a person was 21 at the time they got married, they were still in a stage of emotional development. The person you were back then is definitely not the same person you are now or will be 20 years from now.
And so it is possible that the person you fell in love with back in the days would not be right for you now. It is sad but it happens far more often than you might think.
Sometimes you cannot fix such a situation. You just weren’t meant to be. The best you can do in this case is to let go with grace.
Have you recognized any of these signs in your own relationship? If so, it might be best to have a serious talk with your partner before it’s too late. If you have any additional thoughts on the matter, don’t hesitate to share them with us.