“Mosting”: Be On The Lookout for the Latest Terrible Dating Trend
A new trend in dating has reared its ugly head, and it’s awful. If you thought ghosting was bad, or if it’s happened to you, definitely be on the lookout for “mosting”.
Ghosting is when one partner -typically the male, in a heterosexual schematic- ditches the other entirely after a few dates. Things seem to be going well and then all of a sudden they’re unreachable, unattainable, completely gone. Like they were never there in the first place, except for the sea of pain and confusion they left behind.
Being ghosted sucks. I had it almost happen to me once: I only say almost because our lives intersect frequently and I called him out on his behavior. He was immediately reticent and apologetic, and we are good friends now. But the confusion and heartache I felt was horrible. Why did this happen to me? I wondered. I’m a decent person; I don’t deserve this.
I got lucky in that situation, but it definitely put me on the lookout for ghosting. Now, though, it’s gotten even worse: mosting is like ghosting on steroids.
Mosting occurs when a partner comes on super strong and seems really into you…for the first few dates, or perhaps just one date. Mosting is when “someone goes overboard on the fluff job and then vanishes”, according to this story. It’s basically a way to get into someone’s pants by telling them how amazing and incredible and awesome they are, using phrases like “you’re the One” and “I’ve finally met my soulmate” way too soon. Mosting capitalizes on lonely people -again, mostly women- being predated upon by people looking for an opportunity to get into their pants, and taking any avenue they can to get there.
Mosting is horrible. Therapist Nick Notas, who works primarily with men as a dating and confidence coach, remarks that when his clients confide in him that they’ve done it, “I can’t divulge details, but rest assured, I tear into them for it.”
So how can you avoid being mosted? Be extremely cautious of anyone who endlessly flatters you from the very beginning. They’re looking for sex and once they get it, you’ll be mosted. Like almost everything else in life, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
It’s a reflection of a problematic attachment style called avoidant attachment, and it is fairly self-explanatory: people avoid attachment in any real form, often due to troublesome issues with it in their past. They also may get a high on their wooing of the person they’re about to “most”, but that is fleeting and typically, after a lot of flattery and a night or two between the sheets, they’re gone.
It’s sad that this disorder exists and affects people. It’s even sadder that instead of turning to therapy or seeking help somehow, they choose to project their dysfunctional attachment style by using it on hapless partners. While it’s sad for them, though, it doesn’t have to mean heartache for you.
Stay vigilant, is the best way to avoid being mosted. Don’t sleep with a person before you’re fully comfortable doing so, no matter what, but especially if that person is flattering you endlessly and giving you goosebumps with every other thing they say. The more flattery you get from them should equal the amount of caution with which you approach them.
And don’t ghost or most them before they can do it to you, thinking that you come out on top that way. You’re actually just training them further in their dysfunctional attachment style. Be the better person and talk or text your way out. Say something bland but kind, and firm. “Hey, it was great getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re really on the same page here. Thanks for meeting with me, but I’m going to look elsewhere. I wish you the best of luck.” And obviously, don’t contact them again, or return their attempts to contact you. A firm goodbye is better than a ghosting. OR a mosting.
