“Quiet people always know more than they seem. Although very normal, their inner world is by default fronted mysterious and therefore assumed weird. Never underestimate the social awareness and sense of reality in a quiet person; they are some of the most observant, absorbent persons of all.” ― Criss Jami
A loner is someone who does not like or does not need or seek human interaction.
There are different reasons for preferring solitude to social life – intentional or otherwise. Intentional reasons include introverted personality, and spiritual, mystic, or religious considerations or personal beliefs.
But there is a difference between being a loner and being lonely. These two things have nothing in common.
Loners are well known for their low interaction in social groups and therefore, have more personal time. Many people likely use that time and dedicate themselves to reading and learning more. Some spend incredible time passing with TV, video games, puzzles, etc. Some take up hobbies that have nothing to do with people (pets and charity). There are so many things that loners do.
While loners do prefer solitude, they don’t necessarily dislike friendships.
Surprisingly loners make the best friends.
To the others, a loner may be socially uncomfortable or even lonely, but as mentioned above it’s the loner’s choice to be alone. It isn’t that they feel above everyone else, or regard themselves so highly that they ignore others. They are very compassionate, and down to earth people that care a lot. And that’s exactly what could help them become the most loyal friends one has ever had.
To prove that the theory is true, we asked experts’ about their opinions on the characteristics of loners and their qualities as friends.
The psychologist at Wellesley College Jonathan Cheek examined loners and their behavior and attitude related to friendships. Here is what he found out:
“Some people simply have a low need for affiliation,” he said. They may also spend much more time rewarding the few friends they have with more attention and loyalty.
He, however, explains there are different reasons to become a loner:
“There’s a big subdivision between the loner-by-preference and the enforced loner. Those who choose the living room over the ballroom may have inherited their temperament. Or a penchant for solitude could reflect a mix of innate tendencies and experiences such as not having many friends as a child or growing up in a family that values privacy.”
However, no matter what is one’s reason to become a loner, they all share the same traits.
Loners enjoy being alone in most cases, but if they chose you to be their friend it means they could be there for you when you need them.
While it is evident that loners select the people they have in their lives very carefully, when the loner chooses a person to have in their life, they have chosen this individual above all others. And they are going to stick to him or her as long as they can and give them all the support this person needs.
Below is a quote from ― Vera Nazarian’s, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration which provides a perfect definition of a loner’s friendship:
“Best friends are formed by time. Everyone is someone’s friend, even when they think they are all alone. If the friendship is not working, your heart will know. It’s when you start being less than entirely honest and perfectly earnest in your dealings. And it’s when the things you do together no longer feel right.
However, sometimes it takes more effort to make it work after all. Stick around long enough to become someone’s best friend.”
Another outstanding quality of loners is that they might turn out more intelligent than others.
That is confirmed through their interactions with friends.
A study published in the British Journal of Psychology has revealed that the amount of time one spends hanging out with people might tell a lot about their level of intelligence.
For the research, 15,000 individuals of different IQs were studied. The researchers surveyed their level of happiness when socializing and their happiness level when being alone. Satoshi Kanazawa, of the London School of Economics, and Norman Li, of Singapore Management University, who carried out the study concluded that there is a correlation between IQs and level of happiness. They found that being around dense crowds of people usually makes us unhappy while socializing with friends typically leads to joy — that is unless the person is highly intelligent.
The authors explain these findings with the “savanna theory of happiness,” which represents the idea that life satisfaction does not only depend on what’s going on in the present but is influenced by our ancestors’ reactions to the event. According to evolutionary psychology, the human brain had to satisfy the conditions of an ancestral environment. That is why, the scientists claim, our minds could have trouble understanding and handling issues that are only typical of the present.
The two factors that differ the most between past and modern life are population density and how often people meet with friends. Today, we usually are around other people and spend less time with friends compared to our ancestors. But not the particularly smart among us: The authors claim that less intelligent individuals act according to the savanna theory more often than smart people.
Why is that so?
The critical question for scientists is why humans have adopted the quality of intelligence. Evolutionary psychologists believe intelligence was developed as a psychological quality necessary for resolving new issues. For our ancestors, frequent contact with friends was important because it played a crucial role in their survival. Highly intelligent individuals, however, were more capable of solving problems without the help of someone else. This decreased the importance of friendships to them.
Hence, a consequence of someone’s high intelligence is their ability to solve challenges without the help of the group.
So, we shouldn’t mistake loners for lonely individuals deprived of the ability to build strong, close connections with others. It turns out it’s actually the other way round.
Here is what Einstein who described himself as a loner said about that:
“Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.”
Are you a loner? Do you have a friend/friends who is/are?
Please share your experience with us.
